I cant get it back, but
I dont want it back, i
Realized that,
he dont know how to act
Tried to settle down now look what i get
Thought it was time but i guess not yet


Never been a dumb girl,
No im not dense
I just had a slight lack
Of common sense


I was the good girl
He was the bad guy
Im thinking one boy
He's thinking me, her and another her
Yep he had plenty
But love for only me, he didnt have any


I was inviting, him into my heart
But he was out getting other girls' attention
He was my night time, thought I was his star
Guess I was wrong, but see im strong
Wont take me long for me to move on


Please dont worry bout me im fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say
That i'll be ok
Go on baby..


The mistake i made is clear
We never shoulda been together
Thats the reason youre not here
I know that I can do much better


Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby im feeling no stress
Im too fly to be depressed

In a relationship, who is to say which is right and which is wrong?
Was it me or him or both?


It didnt matter anymore.


I wanted to patch up the last time because i feel that there is hope.
Now, it is all gone.
And i will be lying if i say that i am not sad, that i dont have any feelings for him anymore.
I gotta face the truth and sometimes the truth is always not the way we want it to be.



In the past, i always hate it when things doesnt go my way but i know that i cant change the whole world to suit me.
And blending his frivolous nature with my idea of a committed relationship is just not going to work out- no matter how much he loves me, he just couldnt stay faithful..


And i am not blaming him- Honestly, who am i to blame?
It is my mistake to agree to this relationship, i already know what is in for me already, yet i still want to step into it thinkin that i can change it, and then give him attitude when i cant help but to suspect when he will be cheating on me.


So it is my fault. But it is ok to fall sometimes. I forgive myself. And i know it takes time but i can move on, and i will.

***
To: Jia Jin

Just now when we gave each other our last hug and i told you to not smoke too much, it is not what i wanted to say to you, because i know you are going to smoke anyway.

i just couldnt get it out of my mouth, but what i actually wanted to tell you is this:

" The truth always comes with a price to pay. But please remember that you can decieve the whole world but you can never decieve yourself."

Thanks for the memories.

Sometimes i feel very confused inside.

I think ive been pretty much sheltered for the past 17 or 18 years of my life, and now that ive broken out of my shell, i am still trying to find an identity.

What is right and what is wrong?

Everybody's perception are different and it is hard to please everybody, when sometimes, i dont even know what or who i should believe.

In the past the people surronding me are what i believe (or thought) to be whom i can trust, whom i can give and love unconditonally and if i am nice and true to them and they will do the same to me.





But im not a kid anymore and i dont want to be.





The bad person always come to a bad ending and the nice person will be the hero in the end- that will only happen in serial dramas, right?





Is it wrong to be selfish? Even if i am selfless, who cares? Nobody.





Maybe my friend is right when he said i listen to too much metal songs.. but damn, i can blame no one but myself for having such a distorted perception about life.



I seriously hate myself for thinkin so much, it is like my brain has endless capacity but instead of putting knowledge into it, i keep filling it with bullshit..







Like, why can she have that and not me?

Like, what if he cheat on me?

Like, this girl isnt pretty at all! What has she gotta do with him!

Like, in what ways im not better than them? I dont care, i must be the best!

Like, am i good enough? why can i be better?

Like, i hate being normal, i want to be extraordinary.

Like, why cant i have the things i want? I want it and i dont care, i just want it now!



I am such a motherfuckin princess. haha.

I need to stop playing the "I think what you will think that i think" games..




Its tiring but im so obsessed.

"Hate those times when the mirror's not my friend

When everything I see in it offends

Talking back at me I swear it says

All the things I think they're thinking about me

On rainy days when there's absolutely nothing to do

But stay inside, bite my nails and chew

On all the things I'd rather not think about thinking

All the things I think they're thinking." - Natasha B.

Picture time!!!
I got sooo many pictures to upload.

Holiday's tiring, because ive to work- @ Isetan tampanies. Do feel free to visit me at the wagon outside.

It makes time with boyfriend and friends extra special to me.

Ok nuff' said.. Here are the pictures..!


Camwhoring with Dao Qing and Siew Mai!!!






He doesnt only likes Men, he has fetish for plus sized females too!


Dont risk it! Report the CAM WHORES!!!


The Retards.




The Nasties.



The Happies.




December Hangout with the Best buds!!!


Secret Recipe.. YUMM!!!



The HE-Bitch. Always like to use his fingers to flick me.


Me and the HE-bitch.




Fatimah the Pretender!!! Hahaha! And we still believe that she took the Haagan Dazs serviette home.



Haagan Dazs "The Divine".



And last but not least, the sweetesssst BOYFRIEND!!!


The Boyfriend sending me home after work.
He looked less evil. Really. Compare to the time he just met me..



(above: Still rich and COCK-y.) Hahaha!
He changed a lot.. right right right!!



The Boyfriend has a hidden talent that not many people will know.. he makes good coffee!
Above: The best latte ever- made by him!!!



Aiyo the Boyfriend so cute!
@ Peninsular Plaza fixing his guitar.


That's all for now. Please tag me. My blog feel so un-read.

My previous week was FUN FUN FUN!

At the Singapore mint..


The reason behind ITE's tarnished reputation






"I didnt mean to make you cry."






Why 3.5 megapixel still so blur?

*****

LFM's last day

I am gonna miss Ms Lee a lot!










We were all dry, safe and happy. Until somebody came up with a stupid idea to run in the rain..








Doesnt it reminds you of.. Beethoven?
HAR HAR HAR!!!


I still got tons of pictures to upload..CYA next entry!!!

Finally.

Finally! I'm lovin this blogskin!

I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gonna put pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me…



I’m Miss bad media karma
Another day, another drama
Guess I can’t see the harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I’m still an exceptional earner
You want a piece of me


I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
I’m Mrs. ‘You want a piece of me?’
Tryin’ and pissin’ me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who’s flippin’ me off
Hopin’ I’ll resort to some havoc
End up settlin’ in court
Now are you sure you want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. ‘Most likely to get on the TV for strippin' on the streets’
When getting the groceries, now for real..
Are you kidding me?
No wonder there's panic in the industry
I mean, please, do you want a piece of me?


Yes that's the way! I still love you Britney!!!

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the Female of the Species.


(1) We are emotional.

(2) We are sensitive.

(3) We sometimes cant help to suspect whether guys really love us for who we are.

(4) We are easily jealous.

(5) We want guys to shower us with attention but we want some space too.

(6) We can hang out with guy friends because we will know we will never cheat, but we know you will definitely cheat when your out with girl friends (unless she is fat and ugly, but we cant rule out the possibility.)

(7) Deep inside we know that you are not always telling the truth, but we just like to act ignorant.

(8) We want you to tell us the truth, but when the truth hurts we blame you for hurting us.

(9) We like bad guys but after we are with them, we wanna change them...




And many more.
See, dont you think women are freakin troublesome?
Dont you feel like you wanna sing the Ying Yang twins song all the time?






Well, wonderful news for guys out there~!!!
Yuting has a solution for all of you!!!!!!!
Just click on this link below!!!


http://gaypersonalads.co.uk/




What? Dont you like it? Men are so cool. Men are never troublesome. You can never have an MCP issue here, right?!?




NO? Sigh, MAN..




Okok, Yuting is so smart, she can always come up with another solution.


Click on this:
http://www.sexchangecenter.com/SEXCHNGECMS/SRSDirectory/WebEN/index.php?type=review&area=1&p=articles&id=5



Isnt that good? Now, you have a pussy!!!
And now you can feel what it is like to have one.
Wow, isnt that good? To be the first woman in the world that has got ZERO emotional issues?



Huh!



No? Then Yuting suggest you go jump off your window.


P.s: If you happen to live in a terrace house, go to the nearest hdb flat and do it. =)








********

Today Shan an the Male Chauvinist Pig, Stanley the Helmet, and ME-self went to Singapore mint.

We made a new friend and let's call him Ah Niang. (Short for Niang Dou fu).

He is a really funny guy, at first we tot he was just another fag so i dared Shan an to talk to him, but he turns out to be very interesting.

I cant tell you how funny he is. You have to talk to him yourself, he told us that he is from the agricultural club in our school and we freakin laughed our heads off.
We were very sarcastic to him but he is a pretty good natured guy.


See, it is ok for people to be unique. It is 100% better than being a poser.
After we left, he gave three of us handshakes.. awwww, can you believe he is just 17 ?!?


http://profiles.friendster.com/user.php?uid=11815502




Ok cya next entry. I have to seriously start doing the HR project alrdy.

Clubbing was A-ok. I dont get what the fuss is all about, it is just a very messy place to me.

Being on the dancefloor is like stepping into the zoo. You see the male and female species trying to attract each other as if they are looking for the best-MATE. Literally.


The aftermath was terrible but I will definitely be going again.
Here's the photo, guys.
GRAB!









And and and...

Dad gave me a new mobile phone.. It was a surprise and im touched.

The Boyfriend made me a handphone pouch too! He is the sweetest boyfriend ever! =)
He is in school now and i miss him a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot!

I just recieve yet another lame message of a guy telling me "you are sweet, with sexy figure, can i know you? I know you through a fren."

*Rolls eyes*

What makes you think that ive a good figure when you havent even seen me before?
If you are more genuine in your compliments, maybe i can consider accepting it.
Hypocrites are everywhere man...lol..

I was so bored so i went to read all those previous messages strangers sent to me. I found one that i think was super hilarious..


***

09/11/2005 11.59pm

TaKaO SaToE wrote: a 22/m here whom is still currently in NS hopes to make fren with you... so please kindly reply whether is he welcome or rejected...tks...
P.S Please kindly reply even if its the simplest yes or no... tks



yUtiNG wrote: ok.. sure. me yuting here (Why did i even bother to reply!!!)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: hihi... ken here... so are you seeing someone or are you single??? wad sch r u from???



yUtiNG wrote: um. yeah. im single. in peicai secondary. Taking my os tis yr. which one in e pic is u? (God, i even wanna look at his picture)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: go see thorugh my pic and you will know lor...haha... the center one is me lor... the fat and ugli guy... haha... so wad type of guys do you like??? why still no bf???



yUtiNG wrote: i havent found the right one yet. I dun love becux of love, u noe. (LOL, What the fuck am i talkin about?)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: don really get wad you mean... so wad do you love for???



yUtiNG wrote: i mean, i dun love because i need love.the truth is tt i dun need to have a boyfren to prove tt im successful. haha. Not sayin tt i dun wan to but jux haben (haben?!?) found the right 1. oso, im havingOs this yr so it's kinda hectic.. lol..



TaKaO SaToE wrote:haha... so its that you are the independent sort of gal... but you still wanna find a bf but you don wanna depend on him that much issit???



yUtiNG wrote:yeah.. mayb.. nobody wants me too. im too ugly (WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: don say till like that... if you are ugli, i largi worst liao... i should be a monster or shall i say a beast

(WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! *ROLLS ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING*)



yUtiNG wrote: nah.. haha.. nobody is ugly.. becox (becox sia!!!) to determine whether a person is ugly or not u'll have to look inside their heart.. lol but i find ur question kinda weird, u ask me whether i have bf or not, but it is not a rule for evey gjrl to have 1.. rite?
(WHAT THE FUCK WAS I TALKIN ABOUT?)



TaKaO SaToE: i didnt say its a rule for everybody to have one...i'm jus asking onli... asking out of curiosity onli...haha



Curiousity? Curiosity my ass! Go buy FHM and jerk off yourself!
Cant believe i was so young and innocent. LOL! SO HILARIOUS!


***

WAIT!!!! I just found another hilarious message!
This time it gets more interesting.


Water wrote: You should be wearing contact lens cos you dont look good in glasses.


yUtiNG wrote: u did nt say e word "maybe", u say i shld be... haha! ( I think some of my replies got lost somewhere)


Water wrote: So what can i do my make up to you? Maybe i was too hungry that day and i have eaten the words back without myself knowing it. Talking about hunger, i am hearing the sound from my stomach. (Whatever. *Rolls eyes*)



yUtiNG wrote: lolx.. okie... niwaex, can i noe u? u seem interesting, after all, not all the people i noe says i dun look good in glasses.. lol.. =P ( WHAT THE FUCK!)



Water wrote: Can i say no? Cos i am not interesting. I am a very dull person. If people don tell you, that does not means that it does not. Jus like if people tell you, that does not means that you are. You should be confident and decide if you are or not. (Crazy ass, trying to play hard to get.)



yUtiNG wrote: if u think tt u r a dull person, does tt mean tt u r not confident of urself too?????
(Aww... Yuting in 2005..)



Water wrote: I am dull cos i chose to be dull. I have enough of the interesting moment when i was younger. I did more then what present day teens have done and i am daring to do it again. But i don see any point cos i don know what i will get in return when i do that.Confident is one thing. You does look better without specs.



yUtiNG wrote: Should i treat it as a compliment??? haha,it's not tt i dun wanna wear but i dun c e need to la, after all im still schooling, tink i will go buy it after os.. me no $, i m broke.



Water wrote: Why don take it as a curse? Well, giving yourself excuses is not the way for a right minded teens like you. If money will be the stone in your path,then move it away. Why let it stop you from being more beautiful? Schooling and yet you have a great deal of time. So it is how you manage the time and change your life style. Maybe you need to start to save up for the lens. Right? As long as there is a will, there is a way.



Trying to bombard me with "I must be god cos i know so much."
Well, FUCK YOU and your bullshit.


Eventually i started to wear lens but not because of this Mr Know-it-all, i know what i wanna do and i dont need people to tell me their fucking life story. HA.


Hmm..im starting to reminisce bout those innocent days... But im sure glad that ive grown up. Phew, thank God!





Ps: Please see this videoo before Youtube deletes it. Sometimes Homer Simpson does remind me of the Boyfriend.. Just the adorable part.. hahahaha!
No offence baby.. Love you!

Well, you can be yourself by acting like a bimbo (and being one) and so it is always fair that i am myself too, right?

I refuse to come into any contact with bimbos.
If I faked a smile and say hi to you, doesnt it show that i am no better than you?
I refused to be a hypocrite.
I never respect parasites like you, for goodness sake, shouldnt you stop taking things from your parents? How old are you? You are married and your mother is 50+, shouldnt it be the other way round?


And oh, it will never change the fact that you will always be less favoured than your other siblings, so dont even bother to try.
"Mummy why he can have one but i dont have?"


OMG, so fucking primary school man.



I have so many things to say about you! Hahaha!

And and and, who says Panadol is a miracle drug?


http://www.drug3k.com/drug/Panadol-10298.htm


http://yum-yumcuisine.blogspot.com/2007/11/100plus-water-please-not-panadol.html


http://www.healingwell.com/library/ibs/info4.asp



Please think before you say something.
It is actually not that hard to think.
You just put on your thinking cap, yes, find your right size.
Yup! And then you put it on like that!



HAHAHAHAHA! LAUGHED MY ASS OFF!

Bimbos are so adorable.. they are very entertaining and you can find something to joke about them all the time, like..


Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A: A bimbo tried to shoot herself!

***

A bimbo walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. "Here we go again."

***

How do you keep a bimbo busy? (see below)
How do you keep a bimbo busy? (see above)

***

ROFL! I cant stand it anymore!!!!


Hm, let's end this entry with my own bimbo joke.
Ahem, here it goes:
Q: Why did the bimbo walk around her parent's house making so much noises?
A: Because EMPTY VESSELS MAKE THE MOST NOISE!



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Tag me with bimbo jokes if you have one. Let's mock them together!!!
I feel so evil, hehe!

It all started with a stupid comment..

metsfan5031: America kicks the assoff of every other country in the world...we can do whatever we want and nobody is strong enough to syop (stop) us.

phill0000001: metsfan your a dumb shit america is hated by all countries becuase al most all americians think that so fuck off dumb shit


And then it got a little serious..

asbestose: the demographic growth is through peaceful means, not by finishing others with atomic bombs and daisy cutters. if u know history, crusade mean to finish others(historically), while jihad (Holy War)ia aimed to spread justice. try to be civilised in real sence, tolerant; not in material sence, powerful and poised to destroy who differs


ryanbi1814: Right. Did you know that the fastest growing demographic in the world is those of the Muslim faith? Did you know that demographic will overtake the Euro-caucasions by 2020? Did you know that we are getting ready to relive their dream that was squelched some centuries ago by the "Holy War?" You have to read up on your history. Get informed.


asbestose: remember people r fighting against illegitimate foriegn invasion and their massacre and genocide. such misguiding clips want to show they r dying for virgins without justifiable cause. further bombs are planted by lier regims and deaths are ascribed to muslims, perporting them 'terrorists'


ryanbi1814: get the facts...really. Start finding out the truth and stop listening to the main stream media. The success of the political forces at play today are dependent on people like you listenin to everything being spewed by the mainstream media and believing it. Question everything.


abestose: so America is delivering aid in Iraq, she has so far delivered mor than ten times the aid it delivered in vietnam war, worldwar II and aid to heroshema and nagasaki. america is giving freedom---from life to everyone there. I have seen 'brave soldiers, killing injured in their houses, young children in in lapses and their parents as well, firing with machin guns on civilian cars while listening music, burning human bodies, in afghanistan and countless more examples of 'aid and freedom'


Antarc12: Hahaha. You must really be the dumbest person in Youtube. Do you really thing (think) that the U.S. isn't dependent on any other country? Well wooptydoo retard. If only China would stop to negociate (negotiate) with the U.S. The whole country would collapse.



abestose: all u mentioned r bad things and wetre not happening in Iraq but are now rife(life). human life has not been so cheep as is now in Afghanistan. rape, murder and brutality is thousand times higher in Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine, and in somalia than in Saddam period of Iraq, or Taliban period of Afghanistan and courts of Somalia. All u mentioned r nowhere on earth except in propaganda drafts


ryanbi1814: Would you like to undergo genital mutilation? Would you like to be killed because you didn't do exactly the right thing? Or maybe get your eye burned out because you looked at the wrong person? Or have your hand cut off because of something you touched or did that was offensive to someone? Or live in fear that your daughters would be raped or murdered for merely being a woman?


abestose: u know forign army in Iraq raped a 13 year girl and then murdered her and her family and burnt their bodies and house. What will u do if it happens with someone close to u?

***

Gosh.. its getting gory.
My verdict?!?

The Big fish eats the small fish to survive and the small fish just likes to be eaten. Maybe it just feels safe to be in the big fish's stomach.


Tag me your views.

As i looked back on all the things that ive done, i feel that ive never regretted any of them.

In the past, i always felt like i was never better than others, the good things that ive had, i ignored them, I keep telling myself that i must be better and i never got enough.

I tried so hard to stick by my principles and in the end i always asked myself, "Is it worth it?"


I was growing up (and still am) and i was so desperate to try new things and to find an identity.


That's why ive got piercings.
That's why i went to church.
That's why i went to Enyouth.
And partly because of that, i broke up with an ex.

And that's why i kissed a boy that i barely knew at the esplanade on that very day.



And after the kiss i wondered, did i just DID that? What the fuck am i doin?
And then just a snap! like that, I got into another relationship.


At first i was in it just purely for the excitement, its not because he can afford to buy me stuff, i just thought i could learn a lot from him.


And that's when i found out about Mohjitos, Lambourgini-s, Ermenegildo Zegna-s, Village, and how to spend 1k in a day.


And then... despite warning myself not to fall in love with a stranger, i did.
And i knew its gonna hurt, and it did.


Deep inside, i constantly remind myself, " Be smart, dont be a retard. You know what kinda person he is. Dont ever end up getting played."

It was really ironic. Its like telling ur heart to give just 50.0000 % like it has an in-built calculator.

That's why i always ended up having issues with myself.
Despite wearing the expensive clothes he had bought, i never felt pretty the last 6 months.

The down to earth side of me was fading and i got new perceptions in my brain.. Like, cheap stuff makes a person cheap and ugly people are meant to be laughed at...

I took for granted of the fact that i aint used to be good looking.

Laughing at ugly people doesnt make myself feel good, it made me feel that i must be super good looking if not people will do the same thing.. and i felt so miserable.

And the way he showed affection was to buy me stuff, which was really not what i wanted.



Also, i had so many trust issues with the boyfriend, the more i see him, the more i love him, and the more i love him, the more miserable i felt because i was so convinced that he was going to leave me. I compared myself to his other exes and i stereotyped him as his past.



And then he went into ns.
And then he started school.

Things just wasnt the way it was, and both of us just cant be hanging out everyday anymore.
That's when both of us started to REALLY know how to love each other in this relationship.

And to REALLY love someone is never easy.

Emotions are involved, quarrelling, tears.. all those things that i didnt want them to happen from the start happened.


But i am glad that all these happened.
The thing that he never knew is that he is everything that i want in a boyfriend.

Nobody's perfect but i never once need to tell him how to show me that he loves me. He just know how to do the things to make me tick.


And that's why i love him. I want to put in more effort in this relationship and i'll try to change for the better. I am not perfect too, but i love him. <3


***

Im so addicted to the Chris Brown's "With you"..

When was the last time i got addicted to cheesy songs?
I think I am really in love with him this time..
If only time freezes every moment that ive spent with him..


I love you a lot, baby. =)







I need you boo..
Gotta see you boo..
Sending hearts all over the world tonight
Said their hearts all over the world tonight..

"Oh my god, this is so GOOD."

It could have last a little longer but it didnt.


But eventually it wont, so i decided to end it.



And now i feel so fucking miserable. I cant believe it, it's 6 but i still cant slp.
What am i to do? I seriously feel very torn apart.

Tell him that i want him back? Will we still quarrel over the same things?
And also, it defys my own principle. Break and patch, break and patch, the cycle doesnt stop.


But the feeling is damn horrible, never had that kinda feeling before. Tried to sleep but my head cant stop thinking about the fact that ive to wake up tommorow, being suddenly single, no more chill out sundays, no more salmon and red wine, no more smelling his hair...

I feel so miserable!
I feel so miserable!
I feel so miserable!


This is by far the worst post ever.
I hate myself for loving you.


******

I've been thinkin 'bout giving up
but there's something inside me that's holding on
When we don't know who's right or wrong
we still stay strong, keep movin' on

And I promise I will never leave
Now would you do the same for me?
I wonder if I'll just will be
In time we'll see


He told me
He showed me
but He hurt me
yet He loved me the same
has anybody ever made you feel that way?
Could you really love him through the pain?


- Through the pain (Marion Winans, P diddy)

Something ive known long ago, and lost at some point of time in life.
Something that ive took for granted, something that i thought was overrated.
Something that i chose to ignore and succumbed to the pressure of what others will think about me.


Its all coming back to me now.

I am beautiful, no matter what they say.
Words cant bring me down.

I am not my hair, i am not this skin, i am the soul that lives within.

I will make all the fashion statements, just by dressing up my mind.

Every zit just shows that im human and ive learnt to live with it.
I dont need to have washboard abs to be happy.

I dont believe in living normal just to satisfy demand.

Ive learnt to love being me.

We are all creatures of habit, arent we?

From smoking sticks of death that are supposedly cancer-free, to not wanting to wake up on Mondays, should we blame God, or blame ourselves for not being disciplined enough, or simply, being human?

I think a lot, it sucks i know, but sometimes it comes in handy whenever i do some self-reflection.

After 6 months of seeing you everyday, its pretty hard for me to break the habit now that things are changing.
But i know its time to change.


Ive been debating with myself on whether i should put a little more faith in the relationship, after all, i rather act like a suspicious Paranoid than to be a stupid woman.


But it is pretty miserable to carry on in this relationship like that.

And as my friend says, if he is gonna cheat on you, no matter how hard you try he is still gonna do it.

So should i start loving you whole heartedly again but risk being stupid, being cheated, being ignorant of things that are going to come?

Or should i leave when things are not that bad, when i still have a choice?

Of course i know that you love me now, but is it worth it to still be with you when its not about love anymore, its about commitment?


But ive decided to give it another shot, and this time, its all or nothing.
No more debating with myself on whether i should trust you or not.
Please dont make me regret this decision.


And about your family, i will still continue to be myself, because I have done nothing wrong and am not afraid of some KARMA shit.


And about your friends, go ahead and meet out with them, i dont need to ask you for permission to go out with my friends, neither do you. Just dont fly my kite, and dont tell some last minute shit, and i will be satisfied. In turn, i'll let you know who i will be going out with.


And about your ex-ES, dont tell me anything about them anymore. I dont need to know where you fucked her before or all that kinda shit. It disgust me and makes me feel inferior.


And about you doing project with girls or tryna "talk jesus" with your female church friends, or tryna stare at other girls because you like their freaking dressing, just bear in mind that I AM NOT THEM and I WILL NEVER TRY TO BE LIKE THEM.

So its either me or them. There's no such thing as the best of both worlds.
And whether you can act like George Clooney, Johnny Depp, or Brad Pitt doesnt mean that your lies will never leave loopholes. And also bear in mind that im not as stupid as you think.


And meanwhile, my life is more about true friends, money, career and studies, and MYSELF!
Its good to be selfish because its WORTH IT!

Im currently addicted to this video.. i think its pretty hilarious..
Throw it on me- Timbaland feat. The Hives (And the WWE Divas!)



Dont we all love to watch catfights?!?

How i wish i can tell myself.. that situations will improve, that things is not as complicated as it seems..

But no..

Im sick and tired.


You, you know how to get me so low
My heart had a crash when we spoke
I can't fix what you broke

You, you always have a reason
Again & again this feelin'
Why do I give in?

And I always was, and always was one for crying
I always was one for tears


The map of the world is on you
The moon gravitates around you
The seasons escape you

And I always was, always was one for crying
I always was one for tears
No, I never was, never was one for lying
But you lied to me all of these while

The sun's getting cold, It's snowing
Looks like an Early Winter for us..

All the could-be's buzzin' 'round,
My mind a thousand-timely cloud
And now I can not see the sun


All the worries on my list
Rush like lamings off a cliff
I'm powerless to save even one


All my friends tell me I'm thinking too much
It's not over 'til it's over
Because today is trouble enough
Live tomorrow, 'til tomorrow



That intro's looping on and on
Don't really get to feel the song
When it's only playing in my head
If I don't listen with my heart
Trust my instincts from the start
Then I'm as done, as done can get



What if a black cat crosses my path
Does that mean you and me, we're not gonna last?
What if Mr Right turns out to be wrong?
What if there's no happy ending for this song
What if the one for me is the one that's she's with

Ok.. here goes the LP concert pics i promised..

Before the concert..

We have to reach an hour in order to get to the front row of Pen B, and we have to wait for another hour before LP is on stage, and there were a few ignorant Chinamen making lotsa noises, insulting LP.

I cant just let them insult my favorite band, can i?

So I gave them a middle-finger, and one shouted, "Faark euu!"
LOL.. What a pathetic piece of communist shit.. Hilarious.


But all the waiting and ear torturing was well worth it.
After 30 minutes the crowd got impatient.. every drum roll made them scream.







And then all the anticipation was replaced by a sudden adrenaline rush.. The lights went dim and i can see their shadows through the curtains..

I screamed at the top of my lungs...









Can you spot Chester on the screen?



I dont even know what i was doing... i just remembered that i was so high, i hit a guy's head while i was waving like the rest.. Haha..



After the concert..





That's all folks!
But wait.. ive a nice picture for y'all today...








TA DAH!

Who are you to judge, you dirty slut!
Go ahead and tell your mama all sorts of lies, do you think it will make your under-privileged life better?


NO!
You chose this path yourself, you chose to be poor. So dont act like a spoilt princess anymore.
The truth is, you NEVER was, you just tryna act like one, like you always do.



I never had a sister like that before but i can tell you, I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
Beneath your "OH, im so pretty and im like one of the hi-5 people, I loveeee kids" (add in some fake accent) bullshit, YOU are just a piece of crap, a living example of a corroded and corrupted product of the society.


So you love kids? Really? But you murdered your own.
Do you feel sad, do you feel guilty?
If you do, do the society a favour, dont teach them anymore.
Because what if these poor little innocent things grow up to be evil evil people like you?

Aww, that's just too bad.
Maybe that's why you chose to teach retarded kids, because they are not smart enough to see that their teacher is a two-faced bi-yatch.


I saw the SLUMP you living in now, its 10 times WORSE then my newly moved-in Sengkang house.
Mind you, my father is just a taxi driver.
Im so proud of my daddy, he is not rich but has three kids, he worked so hard for us and he never attempt to murder any one of us.



And I, ahem, am proud to say that ive learnt good values from him, that i should NEVER be a shameless slut no matter how poor i am.

I have my pride, i dont conned people's money, especially my own mother, and not even my BOYFRIEND, which you are so convinced that I am, when you dont even have the evidence against me.


So you want money so badly?
So you wanna conned ur mama's money?

Go ahead, go ahead and do it.
I wont go and expose ur shameless deeds, but dont use me as a medium.
You are a grown up, and life is not a Hongkong drama, stop making a big fuss and accuse me of all sorts of things.



Of course i am always aware that if I want to be a girlfriend for keeps, i must have a good relationship with his family.

But I, ZHUANG YUTING, will never stoop myself so low.
I do what is right and what i think i should do.
So try to fucked with me and see what you get. *SMILES*


Are you lost in your lies?
Do you tell yourself "I don't realize"?


Your crusade's a disguise
Replace freedom with fear
You trade money for lives


I'm aware of what you've done
No more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced


I see pain
I see need
I see liars and thieves
Abuse power with greed
I had hope
I believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived
You will pay for what you've done



Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!


- Linkin Park

Today i did the craziest shit ive ever done in 19 years of my life..
It is stupid and freakin hilarious.. haha..
but its so crazy that i cant write out in my blog.. Ask me if you want to know about it..
If i trust you enough i'll let you know about it. HA.

I didnt sleep well last nite.. so i decided to give myself another day off.
I still havent come to a decision yet, but i vaguely know what the outcome will be like.
Shit happens, and its not the first relationship anyway.

And also, its not his first serious relationship, and im definitely not the one who gave him the best memories. So even if i leave him or not, it doesnt matter.

I went to my neighbour's house after both of us faked MC together. We did nothing the whole afternoon except drinking and watching taiwanese variety shows..

Im not a big fan of cheenah shows, but came across this segment when this artiste sang this familiar song..
And then my neighbour told me, " I think this song really suits you now man."
I thought it was quite absurd but when i think about the lyrics, i think it's really true.




Dun do wrong to what its already wrong. Aargh.
And what sucks is that u cant fight the feelings but you can only do what is right.
And after all i can only blame myself that ive agreed to start this relationship.
And it doesnt start out the right way also..
Sigh. Dun wanna think about it anymore.


After 6 months, why do you still not understand,
that what i want is not material things, but trust?


So what you are in ns? Or what if you are still as rich?
It doesnt change the fact that i can never trust you.
It doesnt change the fact that you can never make me trust you.

I know what you are thinking. Money makes YOUR world go round but you dont expect everybody to think or act the same way as you do.

TRUST means everything to me but i know what you think, you think its bullshit.
Of course its normal to lie, of course its common for people to cheat on their wives, right?
But its not to me. See, this is why i think we shouldnt be together. Our priorities are different.

I dont know what you think about me, but from the start, i never want to be with you because of your money. Im saying this not because i wanna tell everybody that Im a nice girl or whatever bullshit, they can think what they wanna think for all i care.
But what disappoints me is that you still dont understand me.


Titanic is on channel 5 now, I used to think it was cheesy.
But i think the love is true, it does exist.
Why?
BECAUSE JACK DIED IN THE END!!!


Think about it, what if they made it thru together, will their relationship still stay as strong?
Will Jack cheat on Rose?
Will Rose take Jack for granted?


Silly questions.
But how true is reality.
That's why Shakespeare always do tragedies.

I wanted to post about LP's concert... but some other day i guess...

The high feeling is gone and the only thing i can feel now is being disappointed.

I kept asking myself, was it my fault?
Was it my fault to decide to trust you?
You know how much i value trust, you know how much i despise liars.
But yet, you still did.
Maybe you are doing this all the time and yet i was still living in bliss, thinkin that im the luckiest girl in the world.


I used to think that i should give you more, because sometimes i thought you really love me and did lotsa things for me.


But no, not anymore.


You've betrayed my trust yet again.


WHY?!?

Because you are a compulsive liar? It is not a freakin excuse.
True, maybe its a "white lie" this time, how bout the next time?

I hate it when you can act so naturally.. you really should deserve an Oscar.


Is it because im not good enough?
But i tried so hard to give you my best.
I know that even if I look like Ms Universe, you will still eventually cheat on me.
The grass is always greener on the other side, right?



THEN DONT TOUCH ME!
How many girls have you touched before and who else are you still touching?
How many girls have you kissed with those lips and who else are you still kissing?
How many girls have you lied and tell them they are the only one?
"I miss you, i love you" ITS FUCKIN OVERRATED!


My friend always complained that her guy is not a white piece of paper, but YOU are WORST.
You are freaking TAINTED!
And i am not as open and forgiving as her, and i DESPISE liars, you betrayed my trust, and once its broken its never gonna be back the same way as it used to be.


I tried so hard to stay faithful, this is what i get.
I tried so hard to tell myself that i should trust you, and this is what i get.



GO AWAY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!
Im not gonna be as gullible as i used to be.
I hope you can HIDE better to your other girlfriends next time.
Or maybe, next time find a STUPID one.


Im woke up today hoping that yesterday was just a dream..
Reality sucks.

BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Celebrated it at K Box with ITE mates.. they are really nice!
Hmm.. should have took more pictures.. I dont have it wit me now so i wont post them.

A big THANK YOU for all those people who wished me.. at least u remembered. I appreciate it.
Ever since Sec 2, ive been really blessed to have prezzies and great friends to celebrate my birthdays with me. And not forgetting my favorite favorite person in the world right now.. MR KOHJIAJIN! I love you i love you i love you!


I think im allergic to instant noodles.. my tummy felt really weird just now.
BUT I MUST go to the LP concert! Cant wait.

Oh wells.

I always love celebrity gossips, thou its a whole lot of crap but somehow it always fascinates me. I never got tired reading about Britney spears.
I'm currently addicted to this website: http://perezhilton.com/

Ha.. also, check out this vid by Perez..
He's hilarious!

I love public holidays!!!

That's when i can spend quality time wit the BOYFRIEND! <3



Look what we've bought...

Chocolate Liquor.









Marshmallow drink.. YUM.



and Smoke salmon, Lime Juice and $16 Blueberry yoghurt that is well-worth the price..



After that we went to O'Briens..




Man, look at that..



We went home after that.. and as usual, the Boyfriend took LONG afternoon nap..




and he got himself a tattoo on his feet..





Eiffel Tower- I bought it for the Boyfriend and i played a part in building it too!



ok. Time for the BEST PICTURE OF THE DAY..

And it goes to..


*
**
***
*****
*******
**********

CHENG SHAN AN THE SLEEPING BEAUTY!!!


Exclusively@theonlywordsiknow.blogspot.com

Maybe I’m the one
Maybe I’m the one
Who is…The schizophrenic Psycho…

Maybe I’m the one
Maybe I’m the one
Who is…The paranoid flake-oh…


Puddle of mudd- Psycho

See i knew it. Never be too happy about something. Thought it was going to be another best bud hangout, in the end?

But its ok, i understand that he have to work, anyway he is gonna treat us the next time we meet. HAHAHA!

And why of all people, i have to meet that fuckin MEMElia on the LRT?
I took the wrong LRT and was pretty fucked up already. I was just looking out the train , trying to sort out the stuff in my brain. And then i heard some people talking about Luo Zhi Xiang, though i despise people with bad music taste but i just didnt give a fuck. And den i sat on an empty seat because i was freaking tired. And den i felt somebody staring at me. I thought she looked somewhat familiar but i was too tired to give a fuck.

She was talking on the phone and guess what she said? She was telling her friend that i didnt dare to do anything to her because I am alone.

Like WTF?!?

Did i give a fuck about her last time?
No.
But she just gave me a reason to DO SOMETHING to her.
She asked for it. Nobody messes with me.


Retarded bitch, who viewed my profile first?
Who kept staring at me and my friend at coffeebean first?
Who kept staring at me when i was with my guy at Kovan?
Who went to stalk my friend when he was working?

Mess with you? Oh fuck, Im not worthy!
Haha, u fucking big joke, do you think that staring at me and my clique will make you better looking?

Nuh-uh!

Oh i feel so sad for you that u cant see Luo Zhi Xiang when he comes to SG, but i bet he wun even give a fuck about u, pathetic slut!

Oops, i forgot, slut isnt a way to describe you, because nobody will ever wanna fuck u, HAHAHA!

Fuckin fat ass, u better watch out in school.
And so what that you are a councillor? Better cherish the rest of ur school term because im gonna make ur life fuckin miserable.
Dun let me see you in school!
Somebody warn her, quick!


and let me tell an exclusive secret, pls dun tell anybody ya?

MY FRIEND IS NEVER GONNA LIKE U! LOL!

Situations are tense all the time. I missed my previous house. I never really regard it as a home but I still miss it. I feel very misunderstood and less privileged.. Has things changed? Or maybe it was the same all along. Maybe all the while ive been deceiving myself.


That’s the reason why I never trust people. Because the more I trust them, the more they will end up hurting me. Especially those whom I thought that they were suppose to love me.. and they didn’t.. or the way they did things, it shows that they never gave a damn. Im sensitive. It hurts my feelings.


Im really trapped inside. I keep trying to hold on to what is really mine. Or maybe its just temporary. So I have to be prepared to get hurt. Optimism is just an imagination, its like a therapy people use to deceive themselves. At least it is, in my dictionary.


I cant wait to go to the LP concert. It’s the only way to vent all my resentments. I still remember those days when I used to locked myself in a room and blast their music all day.

I was just a fucked up kid. And I still am.

Some good songs always have a hidden agenda no matter how much the authorities wanna censor them, and most dumb people will never understand.

Ask me why i love rap music again.


David Banner: Speaker

Tool On Deck,
Why Would I Lie?
Nigga You A Pussy
Hope You Got 9 Lives.


I Could Hit A Nigga Wit The 9.-9 Times
Country Ass Boy, Country Like Leanne Rimes
Mississippi D-Banner
Everybody Got Tools
So You Will Need A Hammer

Im A Pill Poppin Animal
Syrup Sipping Nigga
Im So High You Couldn't Reach Me Wit A F**king Antenna
Your F**king Wit This Man
You Can Be This Man Dinner
The Rapper Is Insane
Flowing Like A Mad River
Make Your Ass Quiver
Like You Naked At Winter
Hollygrove Honcho
Hard Time Giver
Im A Shark In The Water
You Just Long John Silver

I Got A Girl
You Want To Meet Her
Her Name Is 9 Millimeter

If I Got 9 Slugs, 9 Bullets Gon Fly
If I Got A Red Beam, 9 People Gon Die

9 Momma's Gon Cry, 9 Spirits In The Sky
9 Preachers Preachin, 9 Sermons Tellin 9 Lies

Cause Each And Every One Of Yall 9 Nigga's Wasn't Shit
I Would Of Rather Kept The 9 Lugers In The Ruger Clips
The Index Finga Slip I Let The 9 Spit
I Lick Em All Like 18 Tits On 9 Chicks
Im A Suicide Risk, 9 Slits On Each Wrist
If I Died 9 Times, The Next Go Arounds A Bitch
And If I Come Back I Throw 99 Souls
And Shove 9 Inches Of Dick In 99 Hoes Yall

Ima West Coast Original, Black John Wayne
Im Too Slick To Slide,
Never Snitch I Let It Ride
I Set Aside,
All My Feelins When Im Killin,
Like A Villian
Move Quick Like A Cheetah, Imma Killa
I Aint Here To Lock Up,
I Flash The Heata And Then Lock Ya Whole Block Up
Niggas Always Actin Hard,
I Keep A 9 Mm In My Waist And Got Two More In The Car
Yeah You All Bout To Get So Quit It,Tryin To Conseal It
You F**k Around And Make Me Reveal It So Kill It Skillet


I Got A 9 Mm
Ready To Go Off Any Minute
So You Feel It
Because Of A Law I Had To Conseal It
If You F**k Around You Gon Make Me Reveal It...

UH huh!

Another hypocritical attempt BITES THE DUST.

Recently i just got this friendster message from Lixia.

Lixia wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Lixia's profile and send a reply.
A message from Lixia: hey sis how life?


Well, its all good, nice and sweet. But you know what's the problem?
She didnt even bother to say hi to me in Enyouth. When i tried to smile and talk to her, she just looked awkward and talks to others instead.


Now what? Sis? Who is your fucking sister?

Why do i make such a big fuss when people try to be friendly?
Well, im not trying to show that ive attitude or smth here, but hey, Lixia, your messing with the wrong person.

What pisses me off is that some people dun even noe me and wanna assume that im fuckin stupid.

Do i seem like a naive person to you?


Do i seem like a sweet, simple and innocent little girl who thinks that the world is BE-AUtiful with rainbows, stars and pinkish things and that everybody wants to be my friend because im ooohh-so-lovable~?


Well, get the fuck out of my life. I dun deny the fact that everybody is a hypocrite (including myself) but i think it is pretty ridiculous to get smth from me this way. (but other ways wont work anyway.)


Everybody tell me that it is a must to suck up to people in this society. But i would rather people to suck my dick and maybe i might consider getting "used" by them.


But i probably wont have a sex transplant anytime soon.
So dismiss the idea yeah? =)