I cant get it back, but
I dont want it back, i
Realized that,
he dont know how to act
Tried to settle down now look what i get
Thought it was time but i guess not yet


Never been a dumb girl,
No im not dense
I just had a slight lack
Of common sense


I was the good girl
He was the bad guy
Im thinking one boy
He's thinking me, her and another her
Yep he had plenty
But love for only me, he didnt have any


I was inviting, him into my heart
But he was out getting other girls' attention
He was my night time, thought I was his star
Guess I was wrong, but see im strong
Wont take me long for me to move on


Please dont worry bout me im fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say
That i'll be ok
Go on baby..


The mistake i made is clear
We never shoulda been together
Thats the reason youre not here
I know that I can do much better


Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby im feeling no stress
Im too fly to be depressed

In a relationship, who is to say which is right and which is wrong?
Was it me or him or both?


It didnt matter anymore.


I wanted to patch up the last time because i feel that there is hope.
Now, it is all gone.
And i will be lying if i say that i am not sad, that i dont have any feelings for him anymore.
I gotta face the truth and sometimes the truth is always not the way we want it to be.



In the past, i always hate it when things doesnt go my way but i know that i cant change the whole world to suit me.
And blending his frivolous nature with my idea of a committed relationship is just not going to work out- no matter how much he loves me, he just couldnt stay faithful..


And i am not blaming him- Honestly, who am i to blame?
It is my mistake to agree to this relationship, i already know what is in for me already, yet i still want to step into it thinkin that i can change it, and then give him attitude when i cant help but to suspect when he will be cheating on me.


So it is my fault. But it is ok to fall sometimes. I forgive myself. And i know it takes time but i can move on, and i will.

***
To: Jia Jin

Just now when we gave each other our last hug and i told you to not smoke too much, it is not what i wanted to say to you, because i know you are going to smoke anyway.

i just couldnt get it out of my mouth, but what i actually wanted to tell you is this:

" The truth always comes with a price to pay. But please remember that you can decieve the whole world but you can never decieve yourself."

Thanks for the memories.

Sometimes i feel very confused inside.

I think ive been pretty much sheltered for the past 17 or 18 years of my life, and now that ive broken out of my shell, i am still trying to find an identity.

What is right and what is wrong?

Everybody's perception are different and it is hard to please everybody, when sometimes, i dont even know what or who i should believe.

In the past the people surronding me are what i believe (or thought) to be whom i can trust, whom i can give and love unconditonally and if i am nice and true to them and they will do the same to me.





But im not a kid anymore and i dont want to be.





The bad person always come to a bad ending and the nice person will be the hero in the end- that will only happen in serial dramas, right?





Is it wrong to be selfish? Even if i am selfless, who cares? Nobody.





Maybe my friend is right when he said i listen to too much metal songs.. but damn, i can blame no one but myself for having such a distorted perception about life.



I seriously hate myself for thinkin so much, it is like my brain has endless capacity but instead of putting knowledge into it, i keep filling it with bullshit..







Like, why can she have that and not me?

Like, what if he cheat on me?

Like, this girl isnt pretty at all! What has she gotta do with him!

Like, in what ways im not better than them? I dont care, i must be the best!

Like, am i good enough? why can i be better?

Like, i hate being normal, i want to be extraordinary.

Like, why cant i have the things i want? I want it and i dont care, i just want it now!



I am such a motherfuckin princess. haha.

I need to stop playing the "I think what you will think that i think" games..




Its tiring but im so obsessed.

"Hate those times when the mirror's not my friend

When everything I see in it offends

Talking back at me I swear it says

All the things I think they're thinking about me

On rainy days when there's absolutely nothing to do

But stay inside, bite my nails and chew

On all the things I'd rather not think about thinking

All the things I think they're thinking." - Natasha B.

Picture time!!!
I got sooo many pictures to upload.

Holiday's tiring, because ive to work- @ Isetan tampanies. Do feel free to visit me at the wagon outside.

It makes time with boyfriend and friends extra special to me.

Ok nuff' said.. Here are the pictures..!


Camwhoring with Dao Qing and Siew Mai!!!






He doesnt only likes Men, he has fetish for plus sized females too!


Dont risk it! Report the CAM WHORES!!!


The Retards.




The Nasties.



The Happies.




December Hangout with the Best buds!!!


Secret Recipe.. YUMM!!!



The HE-Bitch. Always like to use his fingers to flick me.


Me and the HE-bitch.




Fatimah the Pretender!!! Hahaha! And we still believe that she took the Haagan Dazs serviette home.



Haagan Dazs "The Divine".



And last but not least, the sweetesssst BOYFRIEND!!!


The Boyfriend sending me home after work.
He looked less evil. Really. Compare to the time he just met me..



(above: Still rich and COCK-y.) Hahaha!
He changed a lot.. right right right!!



The Boyfriend has a hidden talent that not many people will know.. he makes good coffee!
Above: The best latte ever- made by him!!!



Aiyo the Boyfriend so cute!
@ Peninsular Plaza fixing his guitar.


That's all for now. Please tag me. My blog feel so un-read.

My previous week was FUN FUN FUN!

At the Singapore mint..


The reason behind ITE's tarnished reputation






"I didnt mean to make you cry."






Why 3.5 megapixel still so blur?

*****

LFM's last day

I am gonna miss Ms Lee a lot!










We were all dry, safe and happy. Until somebody came up with a stupid idea to run in the rain..








Doesnt it reminds you of.. Beethoven?
HAR HAR HAR!!!


I still got tons of pictures to upload..CYA next entry!!!

Finally.

Finally! I'm lovin this blogskin!

I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gonna put pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me…



I’m Miss bad media karma
Another day, another drama
Guess I can’t see the harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I’m still an exceptional earner
You want a piece of me


I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
I’m Mrs. ‘You want a piece of me?’
Tryin’ and pissin’ me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who’s flippin’ me off
Hopin’ I’ll resort to some havoc
End up settlin’ in court
Now are you sure you want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. ‘Most likely to get on the TV for strippin' on the streets’
When getting the groceries, now for real..
Are you kidding me?
No wonder there's panic in the industry
I mean, please, do you want a piece of me?


Yes that's the way! I still love you Britney!!!

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the Female of the Species.


(1) We are emotional.

(2) We are sensitive.

(3) We sometimes cant help to suspect whether guys really love us for who we are.

(4) We are easily jealous.

(5) We want guys to shower us with attention but we want some space too.

(6) We can hang out with guy friends because we will know we will never cheat, but we know you will definitely cheat when your out with girl friends (unless she is fat and ugly, but we cant rule out the possibility.)

(7) Deep inside we know that you are not always telling the truth, but we just like to act ignorant.

(8) We want you to tell us the truth, but when the truth hurts we blame you for hurting us.

(9) We like bad guys but after we are with them, we wanna change them...




And many more.
See, dont you think women are freakin troublesome?
Dont you feel like you wanna sing the Ying Yang twins song all the time?






Well, wonderful news for guys out there~!!!
Yuting has a solution for all of you!!!!!!!
Just click on this link below!!!


http://gaypersonalads.co.uk/




What? Dont you like it? Men are so cool. Men are never troublesome. You can never have an MCP issue here, right?!?




NO? Sigh, MAN..




Okok, Yuting is so smart, she can always come up with another solution.


Click on this:
http://www.sexchangecenter.com/SEXCHNGECMS/SRSDirectory/WebEN/index.php?type=review&area=1&p=articles&id=5



Isnt that good? Now, you have a pussy!!!
And now you can feel what it is like to have one.
Wow, isnt that good? To be the first woman in the world that has got ZERO emotional issues?



Huh!



No? Then Yuting suggest you go jump off your window.


P.s: If you happen to live in a terrace house, go to the nearest hdb flat and do it. =)








********

Today Shan an the Male Chauvinist Pig, Stanley the Helmet, and ME-self went to Singapore mint.

We made a new friend and let's call him Ah Niang. (Short for Niang Dou fu).

He is a really funny guy, at first we tot he was just another fag so i dared Shan an to talk to him, but he turns out to be very interesting.

I cant tell you how funny he is. You have to talk to him yourself, he told us that he is from the agricultural club in our school and we freakin laughed our heads off.
We were very sarcastic to him but he is a pretty good natured guy.


See, it is ok for people to be unique. It is 100% better than being a poser.
After we left, he gave three of us handshakes.. awwww, can you believe he is just 17 ?!?


http://profiles.friendster.com/user.php?uid=11815502




Ok cya next entry. I have to seriously start doing the HR project alrdy.

Clubbing was A-ok. I dont get what the fuss is all about, it is just a very messy place to me.

Being on the dancefloor is like stepping into the zoo. You see the male and female species trying to attract each other as if they are looking for the best-MATE. Literally.


The aftermath was terrible but I will definitely be going again.
Here's the photo, guys.
GRAB!









And and and...

Dad gave me a new mobile phone.. It was a surprise and im touched.

The Boyfriend made me a handphone pouch too! He is the sweetest boyfriend ever! =)
He is in school now and i miss him a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot!

I just recieve yet another lame message of a guy telling me "you are sweet, with sexy figure, can i know you? I know you through a fren."

*Rolls eyes*

What makes you think that ive a good figure when you havent even seen me before?
If you are more genuine in your compliments, maybe i can consider accepting it.
Hypocrites are everywhere man...lol..

I was so bored so i went to read all those previous messages strangers sent to me. I found one that i think was super hilarious..


***

09/11/2005 11.59pm

TaKaO SaToE wrote: a 22/m here whom is still currently in NS hopes to make fren with you... so please kindly reply whether is he welcome or rejected...tks...
P.S Please kindly reply even if its the simplest yes or no... tks



yUtiNG wrote: ok.. sure. me yuting here (Why did i even bother to reply!!!)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: hihi... ken here... so are you seeing someone or are you single??? wad sch r u from???



yUtiNG wrote: um. yeah. im single. in peicai secondary. Taking my os tis yr. which one in e pic is u? (God, i even wanna look at his picture)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: go see thorugh my pic and you will know lor...haha... the center one is me lor... the fat and ugli guy... haha... so wad type of guys do you like??? why still no bf???



yUtiNG wrote: i havent found the right one yet. I dun love becux of love, u noe. (LOL, What the fuck am i talkin about?)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: don really get wad you mean... so wad do you love for???



yUtiNG wrote: i mean, i dun love because i need love.the truth is tt i dun need to have a boyfren to prove tt im successful. haha. Not sayin tt i dun wan to but jux haben (haben?!?) found the right 1. oso, im havingOs this yr so it's kinda hectic.. lol..



TaKaO SaToE wrote:haha... so its that you are the independent sort of gal... but you still wanna find a bf but you don wanna depend on him that much issit???



yUtiNG wrote:yeah.. mayb.. nobody wants me too. im too ugly (WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!)



TaKaO SaToE wrote: don say till like that... if you are ugli, i largi worst liao... i should be a monster or shall i say a beast

(WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! *ROLLS ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING*)



yUtiNG wrote: nah.. haha.. nobody is ugly.. becox (becox sia!!!) to determine whether a person is ugly or not u'll have to look inside their heart.. lol but i find ur question kinda weird, u ask me whether i have bf or not, but it is not a rule for evey gjrl to have 1.. rite?
(WHAT THE FUCK WAS I TALKIN ABOUT?)



TaKaO SaToE: i didnt say its a rule for everybody to have one...i'm jus asking onli... asking out of curiosity onli...haha



Curiousity? Curiosity my ass! Go buy FHM and jerk off yourself!
Cant believe i was so young and innocent. LOL! SO HILARIOUS!


***

WAIT!!!! I just found another hilarious message!
This time it gets more interesting.


Water wrote: You should be wearing contact lens cos you dont look good in glasses.


yUtiNG wrote: u did nt say e word "maybe", u say i shld be... haha! ( I think some of my replies got lost somewhere)


Water wrote: So what can i do my make up to you? Maybe i was too hungry that day and i have eaten the words back without myself knowing it. Talking about hunger, i am hearing the sound from my stomach. (Whatever. *Rolls eyes*)



yUtiNG wrote: lolx.. okie... niwaex, can i noe u? u seem interesting, after all, not all the people i noe says i dun look good in glasses.. lol.. =P ( WHAT THE FUCK!)



Water wrote: Can i say no? Cos i am not interesting. I am a very dull person. If people don tell you, that does not means that it does not. Jus like if people tell you, that does not means that you are. You should be confident and decide if you are or not. (Crazy ass, trying to play hard to get.)



yUtiNG wrote: if u think tt u r a dull person, does tt mean tt u r not confident of urself too?????
(Aww... Yuting in 2005..)



Water wrote: I am dull cos i chose to be dull. I have enough of the interesting moment when i was younger. I did more then what present day teens have done and i am daring to do it again. But i don see any point cos i don know what i will get in return when i do that.Confident is one thing. You does look better without specs.



yUtiNG wrote: Should i treat it as a compliment??? haha,it's not tt i dun wanna wear but i dun c e need to la, after all im still schooling, tink i will go buy it after os.. me no $, i m broke.



Water wrote: Why don take it as a curse? Well, giving yourself excuses is not the way for a right minded teens like you. If money will be the stone in your path,then move it away. Why let it stop you from being more beautiful? Schooling and yet you have a great deal of time. So it is how you manage the time and change your life style. Maybe you need to start to save up for the lens. Right? As long as there is a will, there is a way.



Trying to bombard me with "I must be god cos i know so much."
Well, FUCK YOU and your bullshit.


Eventually i started to wear lens but not because of this Mr Know-it-all, i know what i wanna do and i dont need people to tell me their fucking life story. HA.


Hmm..im starting to reminisce bout those innocent days... But im sure glad that ive grown up. Phew, thank God!





Ps: Please see this videoo before Youtube deletes it. Sometimes Homer Simpson does remind me of the Boyfriend.. Just the adorable part.. hahahaha!
No offence baby.. Love you!

Well, you can be yourself by acting like a bimbo (and being one) and so it is always fair that i am myself too, right?

I refuse to come into any contact with bimbos.
If I faked a smile and say hi to you, doesnt it show that i am no better than you?
I refused to be a hypocrite.
I never respect parasites like you, for goodness sake, shouldnt you stop taking things from your parents? How old are you? You are married and your mother is 50+, shouldnt it be the other way round?


And oh, it will never change the fact that you will always be less favoured than your other siblings, so dont even bother to try.
"Mummy why he can have one but i dont have?"


OMG, so fucking primary school man.



I have so many things to say about you! Hahaha!

And and and, who says Panadol is a miracle drug?


http://www.drug3k.com/drug/Panadol-10298.htm


http://yum-yumcuisine.blogspot.com/2007/11/100plus-water-please-not-panadol.html


http://www.healingwell.com/library/ibs/info4.asp



Please think before you say something.
It is actually not that hard to think.
You just put on your thinking cap, yes, find your right size.
Yup! And then you put it on like that!



HAHAHAHAHA! LAUGHED MY ASS OFF!

Bimbos are so adorable.. they are very entertaining and you can find something to joke about them all the time, like..


Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A: A bimbo tried to shoot herself!

***

A bimbo walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. "Here we go again."

***

How do you keep a bimbo busy? (see below)
How do you keep a bimbo busy? (see above)

***

ROFL! I cant stand it anymore!!!!


Hm, let's end this entry with my own bimbo joke.
Ahem, here it goes:
Q: Why did the bimbo walk around her parent's house making so much noises?
A: Because EMPTY VESSELS MAKE THE MOST NOISE!



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Tag me with bimbo jokes if you have one. Let's mock them together!!!
I feel so evil, hehe!

It all started with a stupid comment..

metsfan5031: America kicks the assoff of every other country in the world...we can do whatever we want and nobody is strong enough to syop (stop) us.

phill0000001: metsfan your a dumb shit america is hated by all countries becuase al most all americians think that so fuck off dumb shit


And then it got a little serious..

asbestose: the demographic growth is through peaceful means, not by finishing others with atomic bombs and daisy cutters. if u know history, crusade mean to finish others(historically), while jihad (Holy War)ia aimed to spread justice. try to be civilised in real sence, tolerant; not in material sence, powerful and poised to destroy who differs


ryanbi1814: Right. Did you know that the fastest growing demographic in the world is those of the Muslim faith? Did you know that demographic will overtake the Euro-caucasions by 2020? Did you know that we are getting ready to relive their dream that was squelched some centuries ago by the "Holy War?" You have to read up on your history. Get informed.


asbestose: remember people r fighting against illegitimate foriegn invasion and their massacre and genocide. such misguiding clips want to show they r dying for virgins without justifiable cause. further bombs are planted by lier regims and deaths are ascribed to muslims, perporting them 'terrorists'


ryanbi1814: get the facts...really. Start finding out the truth and stop listening to the main stream media. The success of the political forces at play today are dependent on people like you listenin to everything being spewed by the mainstream media and believing it. Question everything.


abestose: so America is delivering aid in Iraq, she has so far delivered mor than ten times the aid it delivered in vietnam war, worldwar II and aid to heroshema and nagasaki. america is giving freedom---from life to everyone there. I have seen 'brave soldiers, killing injured in their houses, young children in in lapses and their parents as well, firing with machin guns on civilian cars while listening music, burning human bodies, in afghanistan and countless more examples of 'aid and freedom'


Antarc12: Hahaha. You must really be the dumbest person in Youtube. Do you really thing (think) that the U.S. isn't dependent on any other country? Well wooptydoo retard. If only China would stop to negociate (negotiate) with the U.S. The whole country would collapse.



abestose: all u mentioned r bad things and wetre not happening in Iraq but are now rife(life). human life has not been so cheep as is now in Afghanistan. rape, murder and brutality is thousand times higher in Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine, and in somalia than in Saddam period of Iraq, or Taliban period of Afghanistan and courts of Somalia. All u mentioned r nowhere on earth except in propaganda drafts


ryanbi1814: Would you like to undergo genital mutilation? Would you like to be killed because you didn't do exactly the right thing? Or maybe get your eye burned out because you looked at the wrong person? Or have your hand cut off because of something you touched or did that was offensive to someone? Or live in fear that your daughters would be raped or murdered for merely being a woman?


abestose: u know forign army in Iraq raped a 13 year girl and then murdered her and her family and burnt their bodies and house. What will u do if it happens with someone close to u?

***

Gosh.. its getting gory.
My verdict?!?

The Big fish eats the small fish to survive and the small fish just likes to be eaten. Maybe it just feels safe to be in the big fish's stomach.


Tag me your views.

As i looked back on all the things that ive done, i feel that ive never regretted any of them.

In the past, i always felt like i was never better than others, the good things that ive had, i ignored them, I keep telling myself that i must be better and i never got enough.

I tried so hard to stick by my principles and in the end i always asked myself, "Is it worth it?"


I was growing up (and still am) and i was so desperate to try new things and to find an identity.


That's why ive got piercings.
That's why i went to church.
That's why i went to Enyouth.
And partly because of that, i broke up with an ex.

And that's why i kissed a boy that i barely knew at the esplanade on that very day.



And after the kiss i wondered, did i just DID that? What the fuck am i doin?
And then just a snap! like that, I got into another relationship.


At first i was in it just purely for the excitement, its not because he can afford to buy me stuff, i just thought i could learn a lot from him.


And that's when i found out about Mohjitos, Lambourgini-s, Ermenegildo Zegna-s, Village, and how to spend 1k in a day.


And then... despite warning myself not to fall in love with a stranger, i did.
And i knew its gonna hurt, and it did.


Deep inside, i constantly remind myself, " Be smart, dont be a retard. You know what kinda person he is. Dont ever end up getting played."

It was really ironic. Its like telling ur heart to give just 50.0000 % like it has an in-built calculator.

That's why i always ended up having issues with myself.
Despite wearing the expensive clothes he had bought, i never felt pretty the last 6 months.

The down to earth side of me was fading and i got new perceptions in my brain.. Like, cheap stuff makes a person cheap and ugly people are meant to be laughed at...

I took for granted of the fact that i aint used to be good looking.

Laughing at ugly people doesnt make myself feel good, it made me feel that i must be super good looking if not people will do the same thing.. and i felt so miserable.

And the way he showed affection was to buy me stuff, which was really not what i wanted.



Also, i had so many trust issues with the boyfriend, the more i see him, the more i love him, and the more i love him, the more miserable i felt because i was so convinced that he was going to leave me. I compared myself to his other exes and i stereotyped him as his past.



And then he went into ns.
And then he started school.

Things just wasnt the way it was, and both of us just cant be hanging out everyday anymore.
That's when both of us started to REALLY know how to love each other in this relationship.

And to REALLY love someone is never easy.

Emotions are involved, quarrelling, tears.. all those things that i didnt want them to happen from the start happened.


But i am glad that all these happened.
The thing that he never knew is that he is everything that i want in a boyfriend.

Nobody's perfect but i never once need to tell him how to show me that he loves me. He just know how to do the things to make me tick.


And that's why i love him. I want to put in more effort in this relationship and i'll try to change for the better. I am not perfect too, but i love him. <3


***

Im so addicted to the Chris Brown's "With you"..

When was the last time i got addicted to cheesy songs?
I think I am really in love with him this time..
If only time freezes every moment that ive spent with him..


I love you a lot, baby. =)







I need you boo..
Gotta see you boo..
Sending hearts all over the world tonight
Said their hearts all over the world tonight..