I believe that as long as the feeling is there, no mountain is high enough to conquer.


But relationship is something that requires 2 hands to clap, not like i didnt know this a long time ago, it is just that i didnt expect him to drop the bomb on me.. It just ends without a warning, not even a quarrel. I just feel kinda lost right now.



I can only come to a conclusion that his feelings for me aint that strong enough.. we have been putting on a facade ever since we met.. for some reasons, i didnt want to reveal my true self and neither do he.



I dont know about him, but for me, im trying to suppress my feelings, ive been trying to be the perfect gf.. stay faithful, endure sad and frustrating nights alone, get along with his family and stuff.. but sometimes, maybe there is something call too perfect.. too good.. too unnatural..too difficult to communicate.



I dont want to point fingers.. im very tired of this whole relationship thing.. Relationships tire me out.. relationships cause me sleepless nights.. I thought that ive met the perfect guy and everything will just fall to place.. but i was being too naive.



Now, im back to my complicating status again.. I see no point in having a clean cut good girl life. Chia is gonna kill me if i tell her about it.




But the comforting thing is that, God gave me shit relationships, but God also gave me friends that call me first thing in the morning just to check if i was alright, friends that gave up their sleeping time just to talk to me.. friend who let me walk his dog to cheer me up, friends who accompany me to sleep cos i dont wanna wake up feeling lost and all alone.

I wouldnt trade them for anything else in the world.

Sum 41- Pieces

I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.


If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.



This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.


If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.







Cheer up Yuting, forgive, forget, move on.

My calories-loading days are over!!!

Ive replaced my sinful obsession with muffins to this..




The deliciously-colourful Fruit Platter!!


i love it.. The aunties here at my workplace kept complaining that it is too expensive, but in actual fact it goes like this:



For a nutritious plate of fruits: $2.50

For a nutritious plate of fruits that get rid of all the stress from work and makes you spend 15 minutes living in bliss before you start work again: PRICELESS.



(Copyright from Mastercard. Or issit visa?!? Whatever la haha.)




Just came back after dinner with my Tanjong Pagar colleagues... I will be leaving in 3 days time, wished i could have spend more time knowing some of them better..




These few days has been tough, its funny how the internal auditors seems to follow me wherever i go (They were at Raffles City for 3 godddaamn weeks).




It is such a hassle, we have to pay extra attention in whatever we do. Cashbox and CPU must be lock even if you are 10 metres away, so irritating.



And the people from the Housekeeping department dropped by yesterday, the management was like so frantic, want us to keep our workstation clean and tidy, lol, i dont really give a damn la, i just leave things the way it is before the Housekeeping people came, why be such a hypocrite?




It is not my fault that the things here are so old and unorganised, because we have such a F uped Centre Manager who dont even know shit.




But then again, she always do what she do best, smile smile laugh laugh to the auditors, what a good way to get away with things. LOL, that holy holy piece of shit. That is one of the reason why i dont go to church.




But most of the CSAs here are really sweet la.. not much politics, im gonna miss some of them very very much: Zuby, Cecilia (the MC queen), Martin (who always complain to me about his girlfriend during break time, lol), Emily (the pretty Malaysian girl), Herny (the funky preggy mommy) and Vivienne (the very hip auntie)



Oh yes Vivienne makes the best cheesecake, really heavenly!!!! No kidding!!! If only i have a mummy like that, she makes the best Kimchi and the best dumplings too!



Really admire her eh, she is like the chinese saying (can go in kitchen, can get out of living room). Next time when i grow old i want to be like her! LOL!



Oh ya i want to go for the BullRun 2008!!! Its like this marathon run around CBD area, organised by UOB i think. But Hui nee doesnt want to accompany me eh, that lazy woman. So now im waiting for Chermaine to reply my email. Why need to spend $ on an SMS when you've got company emails? LOL.





Okay okay ive to stop blabbering, bye!



3 more days~


Boyfriend i miss you badly!

A Pissy Post..

The morning train ride to work always gets me OCD-ed.


Its just those little things that irks me, like have you ever encounter those people who have phobia using the escalators? They will like take their time trying to cross over like they are gonna trip and fall or something.



For goodness sake, take the motherfucking lift!



And and and.. some people like to tap their ez link and den take a step back just to see the card balance, its like wtf, its the morning rush hour ya, people are queuing behind you.



And not to mention those people who like to squeeze and touch me on the train, yeah i know it is the morning rush hour, but i would appreciate you to give me some breathing space, sometimes i really think i need an inhaler..



And and and... to someone that i know but barely know: Dont you ever dare to think that you can mess with my head. I am not like those other girls you like to cheat on.



No matter how good your "playa" skills is i can easily figure out your intentions. Yes you are charming but not charming enough to deceive me. So dont insult my intelligence please, thank you.



Omg what a pissy post.


But when i think about the weekends i feel happy again.. Boyfriend coming back in 4 days time~ Woots!!!

Meant to blog bout this a few days ago but i was too busy figuring my ipod out..



UOB DINNER AND DANCE (BRANCHES DIVISION)

Where: Suntec Convention
Theme: F1 Grand Prix (Pronouced as Grand Pree)



It was such a grand event.. i shall let the pictures do the talking.


This crazy woman is slowly climbing up my best friends' list. Ha. We even got ourselves the same shirts for D&D!





CHERMAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She looks so freaking cute.

I cant live without her company emails! We can bitch bout everything, from our managers to the customers.. Other people have no idea how f**ked up work can be sometimes.






Mark Lee and another guy were the hosts for the night. Kumar was there too! You guys know how much i love drags right!!!!!




Martin from UOB Tanjong Pagar




Yeah they have Daytona USA, Photoshoot booth (with professional photographers and instant photos) and a booth when you can get airbrushed tattoos.. and there's an Xbox Challenge too!





That's a real HARLEY.. heh heh.. JEALOUS?

They were meant to escort our CEO who would be on the BMW behind which was the highlight of the night..


But i used it to camwhore before that and those 2 big guys looks so intidimidating, but they were really nice eh.






It is called dinner and DANCE for a reason.. but its quite funny to see some uncles danced to those club hits, but they are sporting la, so cute.

I can see why the company put in so much effort in making this event a happening one.. it creates a stronger bond among us, and gives us a sense of belonging to this big family.

Although i kept complaining bout shit, I feel truly blessed to be in UOB. =)

Wow... this song made me drift off to fantasy land..




One day me and my lover will go to a place like this, where there's sun, sand and sea.. i'll be wearing a summer dress like that and we can sip cocktails by the beach and dance to the rhythm of latin music..


At night, we can feel the cool sea breeze, candles by the bed and there is nothing we cant do...



That will be the best day of my life. =)

SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!!!


Im thinking of signing up for the signature package at the Aramsa Garden spa.



http://www.aramsaspas.com/spamenu_gardenspa.html




Its like 200 ++ for one session eh.. but i fell in love with that place ever since the day i passed by it. I was on the bus and im like, omg how did that little piece of heaven exist at Bishan park and how can i not know?



And i went to do some research.. and turns out, their cafe is even more amazing..


They have got all the smoothies and Organic shit which i love love love~!!!



It would be best if i can have a gf to accompany me, i can imagine the 2 of us bitching in our bathroom robes, that should be quite amusing. Hahaha.



Anybody interested? =)

Baby this song is for you!!!!!





Why don't we take a little piece of summer sky
Hang it on a tree
For that's the way to start to make a pretty world
For you and for me


And for the sun we'll take a lemon bright balloon
You can hold the string
Oh can't you see that little world of ours will be
The prettiest thing


We can gather rain enough for the stream
To hold our happy faces
When we want a breeze, I'll blow you a kiss or two
Take me in your arms and our little world
Will be the place of places
Nothing left to make but breakfast and love


We'll hang a little sign that just says Paradise
Population two
For that's the way to start to make a pretty world
For me and for you
For you
It's what I wanted to do, to do
To make a world.....for you





Im loving Bossa Nova just like i love you!!!! <3

He comes and he goes.


My weekends passes as fast as a sky rocket.



My feelings for him is like a rechargable battery, weekends it is charging and now it is full batt. As the days go by the battery goes low low low~ (Like the Florida song)

But this time i need to retain this battery for 2 weeks, damn~ Im gonna miss him terribly.



Nevertheless, it is good to have some me-time and hang out with my beloved friends. =)



Although we have such limited time together, we got closer and closer each week.



This relationship is beginning to be real, and i looooove it. Sounds ridiculous but a relationship isnt a relationship wout arguments and quarrels.






Drrools.. i miss him terribly!!! ( Cant doubt my paparazzi skills, i once aspired to be a journalist remember?)



Hehehe..



How i wish i can squeeze myself inside his big green army bag.


Alright alright i'll stop being cheesy.


Bye.

A new season has begun. Maybe, our mistakes is what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps, if we never veered off course, we will never fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are.


After all, seasons change, so do cities, people come into your life and people go. But it is comforting to know, the ones you love are always in your heart, and if you are very lucky, just a train ride away..








Just woke up, took a short nap after the previous post. Today is my well deserved off day.


I took a shower, turned on the compy...Watch an episode of Sex and the City while sipping on my camomile tea.. so smoothing.. I used to be so obsessed with that show because it somehow relates.. Me and Jin were like Carrie and Mr Big. But we never had that kinda ending.


But then again, who knows? What happens after they get married? Big's frivolous nature will probably hurt Carrie again, and i forsee it. And i am glad we made this decision.


True, I had hurt you just like you had hurt me. But there is really no point in being so hostile. Perhaps you wished you had never met me. But i dont. I am glad that ive learnt from my mistakes.

.................................


Okay i gotta go back to watch another episode. Ciaos.

Confessions Part 1


I had to blast my ear phones so loud so that i can drown away all the sounds. I somewhat can understand where they were coming from, but i dont want to compromise my freedom.


Like Singapore in 1960s, Taiwan in the Millenium, Thailand now.. Isnt this what people have fought for centuries? I am sick and tired of feeling trapped.. I want my social life, if i am gonna screw myself up i can always do it in the morning afternoon and evening. It doesnt make a difference.



Somebody give me some solutions please.. im really really tired of being a late developer. I want to have fun, or maybe just enjoy a relaxing night wout worrying about getting shit. Im so tired. I am facing all the shit in the corporate world like an adult but when im back home i cant even enjoy an adult's privilege. Its like having all the negative shit on both sides. Its been years, i need to break free.




***

Just stumbled upon my cousin's blog. Woah, this girl seriously WRITE LIKE ME. Its probably in the blood la. Hahaha. Almost every entry is filled with emotions, and as you read it you can actually feel the pain, the angst, the happiness and the shit.


And you can have the right to love us or hate us, but never stepped on our toes, you just dunno what kinda shit you are getting yourself into. =)



Cant help it we've got Scorpion traits. There i go again. Haha.


Oh come to think of it, JOEY, where is our Calories Burning session?!? Im getting fatter and fatter by the muffins each day.. but the Muffins are a NECESSITY after a shitty day of work. Really, its the only thing i look forward to. Its like a drug. Im so obsessed. LOL.

If I am a guy i will...















Jolin WHO? I think Ai Tominaga is the most BEAUTIFUL asian woman on earth. Just look at her! Those mesmerising stoned eyes, kissable lips, that bone structure.. its pure visual orgasm man.




There you go guys. Dont say i only put words in my blog. But then again you cant blame me, I am a writer, not a photographer. =)

Monday.



I miss his five dollars hair.. His DKNY smell.. my fingers running through his tattoo.. his freaking stoned expression.. i just miss his everything!!!



Im starting to really love him.. and this relationship is becoming more real.. (If you know what i mean)



As the unhappy past begin to fade away, lying beside you felt like heaven.


I couldnt be happier..



Thank you baby!!! <3

Just came back after 2 cans of beer, it is enough to get me thinking. Thou i am tired but i just want to write just to get things off my mind.


I know that in life, i have to know these 2 rules.

(1) Not everybody in this world is gonna accept you. That's okay.

(2) Not everybody in this world is gonna like you. And that's okay too.



But i am feeling kinda hurt and insulted. I might be being a little over-sensitive here, but i cant help thinking. I aint stupid. I trust my instincts.



Is it wrong to be a little different? It is kinda ironic, that the teenager in us wants to be a non-conformist, yet yearns to be accepted by people. I aint desperate, i just think that i am the way i am, if i didnt mess with you, then you dont have the right to do so with me.


I just wonder how long can this lifestyle of mine last... It is not about my parents, its just that i dont really like how my weekends are spent getting drunk and wasted and on top of that, hearing those shit that i dun expect to hear..


I thought that if i really love him i should adapt to his lifestyle, adapt to his culture, be his "accessory".


But i guess i cant escape that "angsty" Yuting inside of me.



I know it sounds wrong. But i do miss those weekends when time was spent on doing things i love.. grocery shopping, pet food hunting, cleaning the hamster's cage, cakes and coffee at dempsey road, lazing around at Swissotel.. thats the lifestyle that i used to have.



Nirvana, Slash, Weird Al Yankovic, Hinder, the Sims 2.... why do things have to turn out so FUCKED UP?



But having this lifestyle that i love will cause me my happiness, because i was happy but at the same time i broke down time and time again.. it is like someone just give you a beautiful glass sculpture but smash it into pieces right in front of your face.



Am i destined to be with jerks? Every weekend, right beside me is the perfect man that i would like to spend the rest of my life with.. but why do we have to be so different? It is wearing me out.. I dont want to change him and i dont want to change myself, i dont want to make things difficult for him.


God, why do relationships have to be so difficult? Why is it so hard to please my fucked up emotions? I dont know, maybe this is what some people called it materialistic. Maybe i am. I cant change my indulgence. I love what i love.




If the path that we are on is gonna be a bumpy road, im willing to walk with you, as long as we get to the other side..





Whatever la. Fuck it. As if anybody will understand me.


I need Chia like so badly. The person that i always take for granted. Only she sees the cool and uncool side of me, only she understands how complicating my brain works.



I just hate the complicating side of me.

SCORPIO WOMAN

A simple woman who always show what kind of mood she is in. You can tell right way if she up set, or if she is flirting with you. She displays herself with her act much more than trying to say it for it's in her character.



A Scorpio woman has her own mysterious personality. She is confident and deep down inside she is quite proud of herself. She hates to think she is borne a woman and so limiting her with a certain social acceptable rules. She is a real woman and despite her innocent and childish looks, she has a spirit of free soul. Many men might mistaken her for if being a good follower, they are wrong.


She thinks being a plain simple housewife is boring. She likes to have power and control over other people, but this will be only her secret, so you will only see a cute woman. Every things she does will look good, and she has all the woman's trick you can think of. She can manipulate men without they knowing it.


If you think she going to do everything you say because she loves you, then you will be disappointed. She could be a little tomboyish and she can understand you by just looking in your eyes. You may say sweet words which could sweep any woman, but not with the Scorpio woman. She will use her X-ray eyes reading your thought of what you just said or what you are going to say. She always smile and she can really hide her feeling.



She will constantly show you that she loves freedom. If she has freedom, she will not leave you, but will even love you more. If she wants something, she will do everything to get it. She has her own sixth sense of people and you can feel that energy feed back when you around her. She likes a man who can earn her respect, and she will also respect and feel proud of that man. A man with power over her should not threat or challenge her confident. She likes to have a good looking , strong and healthy man especially if she start to compare with her friends' boyfriends. It is a plus if he hold a degree or a good career.



She is a hot lady. She likes heavy music. She either loves or hates, there are no "fond of", or "like" for her. Love has no "may be", or "perhaps". If she is real mad, she will trash and throw things. Her wind storm can sweep all her dishes and you could get accidentally hit on your head for this matter. Be calm, it is just your grand mother favorite china for she has good quality as much as her bad tempered.



Sometimes she shows her weakness, but it won't be long. She will put herself together and back to be that hot chili again. If she loves you, it will be no matter what other people may say. Her relationship will be more important than what is right or wrong. Because of this reason, you may know some Scorpio woman become a second wife, a mistress.



She is spoilt, but she allows her love one to over power her. Dating this woman, you should not keep old love letters in your pocket or in your house. It could be a love letter 2 years ago, but never mind she will argue about this since this is a big deal for a suspicious woman. Remember she has a temper of the shrew.


If you play a cold war with her, she will treat you likewise and double it. If you stood her up once, she will stood you up 2-3 times. She is quite fair in justice, so she can accept your apologies as much as she can pretend to accept things for now and wait for a pay back revenge in the future. If you are nice to hear, she will double that to you as well.



If you like her, play a little hard to get. This will excite her a bit. When you go out on a date, set your schedule, but do not let she knows that you have planned this for weeks. Always go to pick her up on time or better to go 5-10 minutes early.





*****
I am so bored eh. I was lookin through all my received files and found this thing that my friend had sent me months ago. The person who wrote this must have studied astrology but suck at English eh. Hahah. Quite true but not exactly true.



Sometimes i think judging a person's character by their birthdates is quite ridiculous, but i cant deny that it is quite true. 2 days ago i was at Mccafe with Shan an and Felix...



And Shan an said, " You know why, she is a Scorpion, she doesnt like people to probe into her stuff."



LMAO.

Cant sleep. It is past one am now, so i guess he is probably not calling.


Things are pretty tough in camp, i know it is not easy... I wish i can be there to take away all the stress, anger and bitterness from him, but i dont know how to when we can only spend less than 5 minutes everyday. And sometimes when he call, we do not have much to say.



I wonder why. Sometimes i wonder if we meet each other at the wrong time. Or maybe by right we shouldnt have met each other at all.. At times, i still cant believe that he is actually my boyfriend.. cos i think he is too good to be true.



But of cos, everything has got a price to pay. And my price to pay for having such a boyfriend is to have a lot of patience and understanding... something that i seldom do for all my past relationships.


But everybody has to grow up someday, why not now? I dont go through shit relationships just to go back to square one. At least, i learnt from those shitty moments and try not to repeat the same mistake again.



However there are times (like now) that i feel so faithless. Recently there are a few breakups involving my close friends. And it is not those 3 months 6 months kinda shallow breakup, but those 1 year, 2, 3 years "i thought we would last forever" kinda breakup..



When i listen to their stories it kinda freaked me out. They have been through so much changes, so much shit, and that guy looked so promising and faithful, but what happened in the end? And then all these stories brings me back to the past, it is so haunting.



Somebody once told me, to love somebody is to give everything and not ask for anything in return. But to think about it, 2 years (or maybe more) is a long time. And i dont have a crystal ball to see what the future holds. What if i wait for him, will it be worth it? When he got his freedom, will i also get what i deserve to get (like time, attention, faithfulness) as a girlfriend?



Or will all my efforts go down the drain?



Maybe i am being a little self centered here for having all these thoughts. But as a thinker i imagined the worst case scenario, the possibilities of being lied to, being cheated on, broken and battering of self esteem, i cannot afford to take another blow, it would be so disastrously devastating.



I dont know about the future, i only know that right now there is nobody else but him on my mind.


I am a nice girl. I am a good girl. And i am a stupid girl. =(




A loss that would have thrown
A hole through anybody's soul
And you were only human after all
So don't hold back the tears my dear
Release them so your eyes can clear
I know that you will rise again
But you gotta let them fall
I wish that I could snap my fingers
Erase the past but no
You cannot rewind reality
Once the tape's unrolled


A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
But don't go giving into fear
Stop hiding all alone in there
The show keeps going on and on
But you'll miss the whole damn thing
I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future holds
But we don't know how the story ends till it's all been told



On any clock upon the wall
The time is always now
So baby kiss the past goodbye
Don't let the future blow your mind
Just sit back and chill
Take things as they come
You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way


If your spirit's broken and you can't bear the pain
I will help you put the pieces back
A little more each day
And if your heart is locked and you can't find the key
Lay your head upon my shoulder,
I'll set you free
I'll be your security.

Me and bff went to Paisley and Cream for our favourite past time- Coffee and Cupcakes. It is such a beautiful place, and guess what, they've got a framed picture of Audrey Hepburn!!!!!



In case you still havent notice, she is my favourite actress- the epitome of elegance.


Isnt she gorgeous?










I had hazelnut latte, and Shan an had Chai tea (Act class la, chey) lol




The cupcakes looks too pretty to eat!!!! ( I took a close up but lazy to upload, heh)





Light Strawberry Cheesecake








As usual we camwhored a bit eh. HAHA.



Recently i fell in love with this song.. the lyrics got me thinking.

It is pretty sad but it makes me wanna sing along during those morning rush hours..

Here goes, enjoy.





When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Meet me by the entrance of the tube.
We can talk things over, a little time...
Promise me you won't step outta line.


When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Please drop the past and be true.
Don't think we're okay, just because I'm here...
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear.


I'm leaving you for the last time baby...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but I want to be free.
Baby you've hurt me.


When I get to Warwick Avenue...
We'll spend an hour, but no more than two.
Our only chance to speak, once more...
I showed you the answers, now here's the door.


When I get to Warwick Avenue...
I'll tell you baby, that we're through.


I'm leaving you for the last time baby...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.


All those days spent together, I wished for better,
But I didn't want the train to come.
Now it's departed,
I'm broken hearted, seems like we never started.
All the days spent together, when I wished for better,
And I didn't want the train to come


You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.
You don't love me,
I want to be free,
Baby you've hurt me.