Guess we are still not ready to be friends. But its ok. There's no use pointing fingers again, i always thought things that would change and maybe we can deal with things like a mature adult. But i guess its not the time yet.
The most important thing now is to work hard for my future.. ive made a wrong decision when i recieved my Os.. and ive wasted 2 years of my life doing a course that i didnt really like. Recently have been contemplating on which industry i should invest my time and money in.
At the running track, i just fell and got a bad start.. but it is never too late. I miss studying. Kinda ironic right? I am not as privilege as others who have a rich family to pay for their school fees, that is an obstacle that i have to overcome. I cant wait to study again.
Sometimes i wish that i can turn back time to when i was doing my Os.. but it probably wouldnt make a difference.
I used to think that relationships and boyfriends were everything.. My whole universe revolved around my boyfriends, everything i did, i did it for them, i think about them like 24/7, i treated them as my one and only, and did not have eyes for anybody else.. that's when i become possessive, and then they think that since i can die for them, why not take me for granted?
But i guess everybody has to grow up someday. I'll take one baby step at a time..
I have somebody that i can talk to and a shoulder to lean on, that is good enough. =)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Finally got a chance to stay at home and rest, but my stupid nose woke me up 5 in the morning and it was running like a tap. I lay on the bed and i suddenly have random thoughts on this article me and Ivan read at Starbucks that day.. a women had a rare case of sinus and her whole face swelled and deformed.. i shuddered at the thought, tossed and turned and so here i am, blogging 7.11 am in the morning.
Ive been working 6 days straight.. just a temporary job. I need money for all those necessities! I need money to have fun! Money money why are u so hard to get? Why cant u just fall from the sky? If i walk till the end of the rainbow will i find a pot of gold there lying in front of me?!?
Pardon me, i must be writing in my sleep. Sleeping and blogging at the same time. Haha.
Oh well.. so here are some pics to keep my peeps updated of my life.
I was working wit Bboy Baby at NTU fashion bazaar selling the same Elle handbags and wallets. At first i thought it was quite funny for a guy to work in Elle but since we can earn money and spend time with each other at the same time, why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone? Haha..
IVAN 5 + 1 : Taken by Yuting Z (omg! so artistic)
The top of the Bio-science building
Work also want to act cool! Hahaha!
Alright, this is suppose to be Cheese Prata. The food there is cheap but suck BIG TIME.
Shagged faces at the end of the day...
Thank God he was there with me, if not it would be super boring. We chat bout random stuff and laughed at random people. Most people there are either foreigners or nerds.. only a handful of good lookin people but not more than ite bishan, lol.
Then in the weekend i worked for PromoSingapore, which is a PR company. Was one of the few selected to promote this coffee brand "Carte Noire." It is suppose to target the modern and sophisticated people who knows how to appreciate coffee, but its at giant hypermart, how to sell when most of the shoppers are aunties?
It is quite and experience though. Check out the commercial for Carte Noire in France, its kinda steamy so i dont expect it to air in SG.
That's all for now~ Will blog again rrreeeaaal ssoon.
Ive been working 6 days straight.. just a temporary job. I need money for all those necessities! I need money to have fun! Money money why are u so hard to get? Why cant u just fall from the sky? If i walk till the end of the rainbow will i find a pot of gold there lying in front of me?!?
Pardon me, i must be writing in my sleep. Sleeping and blogging at the same time. Haha.
Oh well.. so here are some pics to keep my peeps updated of my life.
I was working wit Bboy Baby at NTU fashion bazaar selling the same Elle handbags and wallets. At first i thought it was quite funny for a guy to work in Elle but since we can earn money and spend time with each other at the same time, why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone? Haha..
IVAN 5 + 1 : Taken by Yuting Z (omg! so artistic)
The top of the Bio-science building
Work also want to act cool! Hahaha!
Alright, this is suppose to be Cheese Prata. The food there is cheap but suck BIG TIME.
Shagged faces at the end of the day...
Thank God he was there with me, if not it would be super boring. We chat bout random stuff and laughed at random people. Most people there are either foreigners or nerds.. only a handful of good lookin people but not more than ite bishan, lol.
Then in the weekend i worked for PromoSingapore, which is a PR company. Was one of the few selected to promote this coffee brand "Carte Noire." It is suppose to target the modern and sophisticated people who knows how to appreciate coffee, but its at giant hypermart, how to sell when most of the shoppers are aunties?
It is quite and experience though. Check out the commercial for Carte Noire in France, its kinda steamy so i dont expect it to air in SG.
That's all for now~ Will blog again rrreeeaaal ssoon.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Translated: I LOVE U.
It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through
And when I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I woke up in the middle of the night.. i get flashbacks of those memories again. Its kinda numb actually, didnt realise that i was thinking about it until the tears fell.
I wanted to walk to the toilet when i accidentally stepped on something hard. I picked it up and realise that it is a remote control, but it doesnt look like the one we had for our television or radio or whatever.
I pressed rewind.. and suddenly i went back to exactly 10 months ago, 24th May 2007, there was a guy told this girl that he is in love with her when they just met less than a week ago. That guy said,"let's get the chauffeur to head back to my house and we can finish the Ben and Jerry's ice cream."
And that was the very first lie that he told her. I couldnt stand seeing the girl fall for his tricks. So i pressed the delete button.
The rewind button brought me back to some really good times.
The guy brought her to manicures, brought her to shopping sprees, taught her how to enjoy the finer things in life and Lambourginis... Delete.
They cant seem to get enough of each other, she was always looking forward to go to his office at lavender after school.. Delete.
They went to Pulau Ubin and spend 3 days 2 nights with no one else but each other.. they fed big but cute kampong dogs with cuttlefish, they cooked instant noodles for lunch and head out to the "town" for some nice kampong dinner. They wake up to a beautiful sunrise and green lake with canoes on the side. Delete.
They went for a cable car ride just before he got into NS.. she said she would love him even if he have just 400 hundred bucks per month. They went to the dreamer's cafe and he had such a good time entertaining the entertainers, how she adored his laughter and sense of humour. Delete.
And then there were bad times.
She really wanted to enjoy her birthday gift- going to the Linkin Park concert, he made her dream come true. But just before she get to indulge in it they quarrelled over a suggestive message he sent to a girl friend. Delete.
She really wanted to please his friends and family. She got along well with his secondary school bunch. But she could never please his sister, who thinks that she was just in for the money. She could never please his best friend, even when she told him that he should never neglect their friendship. She was stereotyped. Delete.
They were at white tangerine and he kept staring at the waitress. Delete.
He couldnt stop talking about his ex, it was so torturing to hear how they got frisky in the toilet. It was so torturing to know that she is never good enough, never better than the ex. Why? In what ways? She didnt know. She just feel that way. Delete.
He badmouthed her and complaint to his friends that she was possessive, that she was not good enough. That she has an attitude problem. She called him on the phone just to hear his friend say something sarcastic about her. DELETE!
They first broke up. She couldnt slp the whole night, she was up all night thinking about him. He didnt pick up her calls. He picked up the very next day and told her he have to put down because he was seeing Anton, but it turns out that it is girl. It was a date with another girl telling her how sucky his girlfriend is. That she was never good enough for him. DELETE!
He boast to his neighbour that he would be dating an air stewardess. When she confronted him, he said no. A few months later, she found a suggestive sms that he sent to the air stewardess. Delete.
He said some more hurtful words to her. " True, you are not as pretty as the air stewardess or the pub girl but i still love you." DELETE!
" True, you may not be the trophy girlfriend, but i still want you!" DELETE!
They quarrelled real bad because she cant trust him anymore. But she decided to buy a calendar with his favourite pugs to start the new year. She skipped her school event and she had asthma in the morning. But she went to his house to surprise, to kiss him and wake him up. But little does she know that he was trying to date the air stewardess.. DELEEETTE!
They fought on Chinese new year.. she slapped him and he pinned her on the bed and refuse to let her go. There were finger nail marks all over her arms. Delete.
I couldnt stand it anymore and i forwarded the real life drama. It was yesterday 23rd of March, they were quarrelling again. They were making a scene outside the Hong kong cafe.. he blame her for moving on when he couldnt, it was all her fault. It was all her fault that she didnt take care of the hamster. It was all her fault for finding somebody who can make her life happier. It was all her fault, she could have stayed with him and suffer. But she choose not to. Its her fault! He shook her so hard, he refuses to let her go. Delete.
He said he has changed, he said he has been staying faithful while she moved on. He said he did not flirt at all. But he said it himself that he tried to get the coffee bean girl's number just for the "old times sake."
And that was the very last lie that he told her. And with a lot of effort and tears, i pressed the DELETE button for the very last time.
She knows that she has been through a lot a lot.. she is tired.. she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Someone out there is ready to catch her when she falls... She needs someone to right the wrongs, someone to tell her that it is really not that hard to love another.
Could he be the one? How does she know that he would not break her heart like what happened in the past? What if history repeats itself again?
Unfortunately, there is no forward button to see what can happen....
I wanted to walk to the toilet when i accidentally stepped on something hard. I picked it up and realise that it is a remote control, but it doesnt look like the one we had for our television or radio or whatever.
I pressed rewind.. and suddenly i went back to exactly 10 months ago, 24th May 2007, there was a guy told this girl that he is in love with her when they just met less than a week ago. That guy said,"let's get the chauffeur to head back to my house and we can finish the Ben and Jerry's ice cream."
And that was the very first lie that he told her. I couldnt stand seeing the girl fall for his tricks. So i pressed the delete button.
The rewind button brought me back to some really good times.
The guy brought her to manicures, brought her to shopping sprees, taught her how to enjoy the finer things in life and Lambourginis... Delete.
They cant seem to get enough of each other, she was always looking forward to go to his office at lavender after school.. Delete.
They went to Pulau Ubin and spend 3 days 2 nights with no one else but each other.. they fed big but cute kampong dogs with cuttlefish, they cooked instant noodles for lunch and head out to the "town" for some nice kampong dinner. They wake up to a beautiful sunrise and green lake with canoes on the side. Delete.
They went for a cable car ride just before he got into NS.. she said she would love him even if he have just 400 hundred bucks per month. They went to the dreamer's cafe and he had such a good time entertaining the entertainers, how she adored his laughter and sense of humour. Delete.
And then there were bad times.
She really wanted to enjoy her birthday gift- going to the Linkin Park concert, he made her dream come true. But just before she get to indulge in it they quarrelled over a suggestive message he sent to a girl friend. Delete.
She really wanted to please his friends and family. She got along well with his secondary school bunch. But she could never please his sister, who thinks that she was just in for the money. She could never please his best friend, even when she told him that he should never neglect their friendship. She was stereotyped. Delete.
They were at white tangerine and he kept staring at the waitress. Delete.
He couldnt stop talking about his ex, it was so torturing to hear how they got frisky in the toilet. It was so torturing to know that she is never good enough, never better than the ex. Why? In what ways? She didnt know. She just feel that way. Delete.
He badmouthed her and complaint to his friends that she was possessive, that she was not good enough. That she has an attitude problem. She called him on the phone just to hear his friend say something sarcastic about her. DELETE!
They first broke up. She couldnt slp the whole night, she was up all night thinking about him. He didnt pick up her calls. He picked up the very next day and told her he have to put down because he was seeing Anton, but it turns out that it is girl. It was a date with another girl telling her how sucky his girlfriend is. That she was never good enough for him. DELETE!
He boast to his neighbour that he would be dating an air stewardess. When she confronted him, he said no. A few months later, she found a suggestive sms that he sent to the air stewardess. Delete.
He said some more hurtful words to her. " True, you are not as pretty as the air stewardess or the pub girl but i still love you." DELETE!
" True, you may not be the trophy girlfriend, but i still want you!" DELETE!
They quarrelled real bad because she cant trust him anymore. But she decided to buy a calendar with his favourite pugs to start the new year. She skipped her school event and she had asthma in the morning. But she went to his house to surprise, to kiss him and wake him up. But little does she know that he was trying to date the air stewardess.. DELEEETTE!
They fought on Chinese new year.. she slapped him and he pinned her on the bed and refuse to let her go. There were finger nail marks all over her arms. Delete.
I couldnt stand it anymore and i forwarded the real life drama. It was yesterday 23rd of March, they were quarrelling again. They were making a scene outside the Hong kong cafe.. he blame her for moving on when he couldnt, it was all her fault. It was all her fault that she didnt take care of the hamster. It was all her fault for finding somebody who can make her life happier. It was all her fault, she could have stayed with him and suffer. But she choose not to. Its her fault! He shook her so hard, he refuses to let her go. Delete.
He said he has changed, he said he has been staying faithful while she moved on. He said he did not flirt at all. But he said it himself that he tried to get the coffee bean girl's number just for the "old times sake."
And that was the very last lie that he told her. And with a lot of effort and tears, i pressed the DELETE button for the very last time.
She knows that she has been through a lot a lot.. she is tired.. she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Someone out there is ready to catch her when she falls... She needs someone to right the wrongs, someone to tell her that it is really not that hard to love another.
Could he be the one? How does she know that he would not break her heart like what happened in the past? What if history repeats itself again?
Unfortunately, there is no forward button to see what can happen....
Friday, March 21, 2008
Its so amazing how something so sweet
Has come and rearranged my life
I've been kissed by destiny
Oh, heaven came and saved me
An angel was placed at my feet
This isn't ordinary, he's loving me for me
Your soul, your flow, your youth, your truth is simply proof
We were meant to be
But the best quality thats hookin' me
Is that you're loving me for me
Has come and rearranged my life
I've been kissed by destiny
Oh, heaven came and saved me
An angel was placed at my feet
This isn't ordinary, he's loving me for me
Your soul, your flow, your youth, your truth is simply proof
We were meant to be
But the best quality thats hookin' me
Is that you're loving me for me
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I met a friend recently and he commented that my love life is like a movie. Kinda true.
If it were a movie, i'll be playin the character who is stuck in the middle, knowing which is the better choice but still..
I really dont know what i am getting myself into. Sounds confusing?
There are some things that i rather not tell. This post is just to vent out my confusion and frustrations. Whatever happened to the old Yuting? So full of attitude and principles and now get caught up in such a messy situation? So much more older now but getting more indecisive. Probably because deep down inside, i am selfish. There is no such thing as the best of both worlds. One day it'll definitely come around and bite my ass.
Some things are just so hard to explain, sometimes when you look at things in a third person's perspective, you just know the best way to handle it, but when you are stuck in the situation yourself, suddenly, you get caught between what your heart and your head tells you to do.
This video relates. I shall stop typing here.
If it were a movie, i'll be playin the character who is stuck in the middle, knowing which is the better choice but still..
I really dont know what i am getting myself into. Sounds confusing?
There are some things that i rather not tell. This post is just to vent out my confusion and frustrations. Whatever happened to the old Yuting? So full of attitude and principles and now get caught up in such a messy situation? So much more older now but getting more indecisive. Probably because deep down inside, i am selfish. There is no such thing as the best of both worlds. One day it'll definitely come around and bite my ass.
Some things are just so hard to explain, sometimes when you look at things in a third person's perspective, you just know the best way to handle it, but when you are stuck in the situation yourself, suddenly, you get caught between what your heart and your head tells you to do.
This video relates. I shall stop typing here.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Location: SMU
Event: FuYo Inter School Bboy Competition
Before the Competition
And then the competition starts.. The Emcees were really funny, and just like me, they use the word "shit" when they cant come up with any adjectives, lol..
Check out Bboy Baby doing his shit in the first round verses Hwa Chong Institution.. The one wearing bandanna (oh so cute) in red, which is his favorite colour
After the first round was over, the Emcees announced that the Cypher Craze Crew (CCC) got into the second round!! We were all happy though it was expected.
And then comes the second round.. Bboy baby used his 7 plus ONE elements on the floor: Passion + Style + Transitions + Blow-ups + Toprocks + Freezes + Frenzy Footworks and ME, ZHUANG YUTING!!! Hahaha..
This time round, the competitors were equally dope, they flow to the beats but there were more power moves from the CCC.. and... finally, CCC went into the semi finals!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!
They continued to battle for another 2 rounds and came 4th out of 16 crews! Woah, so proud of him man!
The ending was really unpredictable, after giving out the prizes (cash $$$ ya'all, lol), the lights went dim and the organiser of the event came out with a heart-shaped cake for his girlfriend.. And guess what? He kneeled down and PROPOSED!
Damn! It made the girls go awww.. and the guys go ???, and as she cried and said yes all the bboys start to cypher around, really drama-rama..
Some girls also cried, i mean like wtf, its none of my business but i start to imagine what it is like for me next time. Haha.. I will expect something more drama than that, maybe like a ring at the top of the Eiffel tower or smth like that.. hahaha... well, once in the lifetime LEH!
Sigh.. but that is IF i find my soul mate.. is he still out there or alrdy existed in my life?
WAKE UP, Yuting, WAKE UP!
The roc boys in the building tonight
oh what a feeling I'm feeling life
you dont even gotta bring your paper out
we the dope boys of the year drinks is on the house!
Event: FuYo Inter School Bboy Competition
Before the Competition
And then the competition starts.. The Emcees were really funny, and just like me, they use the word "shit" when they cant come up with any adjectives, lol..
Check out Bboy Baby doing his shit in the first round verses Hwa Chong Institution.. The one wearing bandanna (oh so cute) in red, which is his favorite colour
After the first round was over, the Emcees announced that the Cypher Craze Crew (CCC) got into the second round!! We were all happy though it was expected.
And then comes the second round.. Bboy baby used his 7 plus ONE elements on the floor: Passion + Style + Transitions + Blow-ups + Toprocks + Freezes + Frenzy Footworks and ME, ZHUANG YUTING!!! Hahaha..
This time round, the competitors were equally dope, they flow to the beats but there were more power moves from the CCC.. and... finally, CCC went into the semi finals!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!
They continued to battle for another 2 rounds and came 4th out of 16 crews! Woah, so proud of him man!
The ending was really unpredictable, after giving out the prizes (cash $$$ ya'all, lol), the lights went dim and the organiser of the event came out with a heart-shaped cake for his girlfriend.. And guess what? He kneeled down and PROPOSED!
Damn! It made the girls go awww.. and the guys go ???, and as she cried and said yes all the bboys start to cypher around, really drama-rama..
Some girls also cried, i mean like wtf, its none of my business but i start to imagine what it is like for me next time. Haha.. I will expect something more drama than that, maybe like a ring at the top of the Eiffel tower or smth like that.. hahaha... well, once in the lifetime LEH!
Sigh.. but that is IF i find my soul mate.. is he still out there or alrdy existed in my life?
WAKE UP, Yuting, WAKE UP!
The roc boys in the building tonight
oh what a feeling I'm feeling life
you dont even gotta bring your paper out
we the dope boys of the year drinks is on the house!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
I demand integrity but i would love to have a little mystery.
I want a man with Power and knows how to dominate me but still let me have a mind of my own.
I want a man who knows how to appreciate a woman's beauty but can only have the eyes for me.
I want a man who knows how to indulge in the finer things in life but not a spendthrift.
I want compliments, not flattery.
And i never like people to casual flirt with me, i take it as an insult.
Is it THAT difficult to love me?
I want a man with Power and knows how to dominate me but still let me have a mind of my own.
I want a man who knows how to appreciate a woman's beauty but can only have the eyes for me.
I want a man who knows how to indulge in the finer things in life but not a spendthrift.
I want compliments, not flattery.
And i never like people to casual flirt with me, i take it as an insult.
Is it THAT difficult to love me?
Yesterday i had another horrible hamster nightmare again.. I was with a secondary school friend that i havent met since 2005, and then we went to a camp or smth. I forgot what happened after that but i can still remember vividly that i wanted to hold on the giant hamster which was doing fine on my arms initially, then it started to struggle and as i tried to hold it back, i felt an acute pain cuz that THING grabbed my arms tight.. and tighter.. until i could not stand it anymore and let it go..
And then the Giant hamster went to attack a dark grey cat which was only a little bigger than that Giant hamster. I screamed for help as my friend run towards them (but taking his time).
Now the 2 animals continue to fight. Part of me was scared that the Giant hamster died because i presume it was mine since i was holding it awhile ago but part of me felt very bad for the Grey cat, which might die because i let that THING escaped from my arms and i know very well that that Hamster is capable of killing it.
I kept screaming at my friend to hurry up.. and then when he finally reached, i saw the Cat laying motionless on the grass patch. For a moment i thought it was dead and i was so fuckin sad. But my friend went to grab the both of them (dunno how he did it) and put them into seperate cages.
I seriously hate these dreams, i really dont know what it is trying to tell me. Can somebody intepret it for me? Is it something to do with my relationships? Maybe it is because i cried very hard last night.. still cant seem to let go of the past.
And then the Giant hamster went to attack a dark grey cat which was only a little bigger than that Giant hamster. I screamed for help as my friend run towards them (but taking his time).
Now the 2 animals continue to fight. Part of me was scared that the Giant hamster died because i presume it was mine since i was holding it awhile ago but part of me felt very bad for the Grey cat, which might die because i let that THING escaped from my arms and i know very well that that Hamster is capable of killing it.
I kept screaming at my friend to hurry up.. and then when he finally reached, i saw the Cat laying motionless on the grass patch. For a moment i thought it was dead and i was so fuckin sad. But my friend went to grab the both of them (dunno how he did it) and put them into seperate cages.
I seriously hate these dreams, i really dont know what it is trying to tell me. Can somebody intepret it for me? Is it something to do with my relationships? Maybe it is because i cried very hard last night.. still cant seem to let go of the past.
Went to Peishi's house to celebrate our last day of school.. Stanley and Felix's girlfriends came along too..
Me and Jo were like so obsessed with Felix's pup, Pinky. Freakin cute and lovable, she loves licking.. She is quite horny too.. I carried her and her paws went into my shirt..!
So cute, cant wait to play with her again!
Pinky: "Whatchu lookin' at!"
Me and Jo were like so obsessed with Felix's pup, Pinky. Freakin cute and lovable, she loves licking.. She is quite horny too.. I carried her and her paws went into my shirt..!
So cute, cant wait to play with her again!
Pinky: "Whatchu lookin' at!"
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Yesterday i got a glimpse of my guy's ex girlfriend's friendster blog.. seems like she didnt really get over him.. well, I am not in any position to comment because it is their relationship, but i come to realise that everybody has got their own problems to deal with..
I just read an email from Jin and he said i should respect him, bla bla bla. Well, i admit that i shouldnt write such nasty comment on his blog, guess i still havent get over the whole thing. I still have a lot of mixed emotions inside, and i really wish that God can delete this memory in my head, it is impossible i know, it just takes time. I dont want to lose a good guy that is already in my life.
So here's the last post for you, take care of hammy, and dont go back to your old ways again. No matter what happened last time you are still a very special person that once existed in my life. Goodbye.
I just read an email from Jin and he said i should respect him, bla bla bla. Well, i admit that i shouldnt write such nasty comment on his blog, guess i still havent get over the whole thing. I still have a lot of mixed emotions inside, and i really wish that God can delete this memory in my head, it is impossible i know, it just takes time. I dont want to lose a good guy that is already in my life.
So here's the last post for you, take care of hammy, and dont go back to your old ways again. No matter what happened last time you are still a very special person that once existed in my life. Goodbye.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Today is probably the last day of my ite life.. The guys were freaking happy, the girls were kinda sad.. but i guess everyone will definitely miss the times we had, the canteen jokes, being late, student hubbing, and not to forget all the shit moments, like when Peishi slammed the door and walked out of the door in the middle of the lesson, lol..
So many things happened in these 2 years of my life. Ive made some good friends and change from Little Miss Innocent to Little Miss Not So Innocent, so many first times, cant believe how many times ive cried in school, because Toie went for camps again or after a bad quarrel with Jin..
Relationship comes and relationship goes, but friendship never ends.. Yeah its cliche, i know. Our clique overcame so many bad break-ups, and it kinda drew us closer. Projects and groupwork made us fucked one another up but it kinda made our friendship stronger too.
I am so going to miss Shan an's lifting of eye brows, Jo's ridiculous Q&A sessions, Aaron's knife, Peishi's dramatic actions and Stanley's disgusting actions.. aargh!
Call me out for drinks anytime!!!
So many things happened in these 2 years of my life. Ive made some good friends and change from Little Miss Innocent to Little Miss Not So Innocent, so many first times, cant believe how many times ive cried in school, because Toie went for camps again or after a bad quarrel with Jin..
Relationship comes and relationship goes, but friendship never ends.. Yeah its cliche, i know. Our clique overcame so many bad break-ups, and it kinda drew us closer. Projects and groupwork made us fucked one another up but it kinda made our friendship stronger too.
I am so going to miss Shan an's lifting of eye brows, Jo's ridiculous Q&A sessions, Aaron's knife, Peishi's dramatic actions and Stanley's disgusting actions.. aargh!
Call me out for drinks anytime!!!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Accidentally stumbled upon this song.. remembered he sang this to me at the KTV.. I never really listen to the lyrics the last time, but now it made sense to me. I bet he doesnt even know what this song means.
We cant stop dissing each other in our blogs.. wonder why it will turn out this way.. I wish i can wash my hands off everything.. forget about everything... forget about how we hurt each other.. forget that we even loved each other before...
But what's done can never be undone.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Saturday, March 08, 2008
I just have to blog this out.
She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
than he gave she’s looking for
He calls her up
He’s trippin' on the phone now
He doesn’t want her out there
And alone now
He knows she’s movin' it
Knows she’s using it
Now he’s losing it
She don’t care
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
He was always giving her attention
looking hard to find the things she mentioned
He was dedicated
By most suckers hated
That girl was fine
But she didn’t appreciate him
She calls him up
She’s tripping on the phone now
He had to get up
And he ain’t comin' home now
He’s tryin' to forget her
That’s how he got with her
When he first met her
When they first got together
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
To the beat
You got nothing to lose
Don’t be afraid to get down
We break up
It’s something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It’s okay, let it go
Get out there and find someone
It’s too late to be trippin' on the phone here
Get off the wire
You know everything is good here
Stop what you’re doin'
You don’t wanna ruin
The chance that you got to
find a new one
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Now you know what to do, so come on feelin' good
She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
than he gave she’s looking for
He calls her up
He’s trippin' on the phone now
He doesn’t want her out there
And alone now
He knows she’s movin' it
Knows she’s using it
Now he’s losing it
She don’t care
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
He was always giving her attention
looking hard to find the things she mentioned
He was dedicated
By most suckers hated
That girl was fine
But she didn’t appreciate him
She calls him up
She’s tripping on the phone now
He had to get up
And he ain’t comin' home now
He’s tryin' to forget her
That’s how he got with her
When he first met her
When they first got together
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
To the beat
You got nothing to lose
Don’t be afraid to get down
We break up
It’s something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It’s okay, let it go
Get out there and find someone
It’s too late to be trippin' on the phone here
Get off the wire
You know everything is good here
Stop what you’re doin'
You don’t wanna ruin
The chance that you got to
find a new one
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Now you know what to do, so come on feelin' good
Just now my bro wanted me to delete my old pictures in his phone, which was mine like almost 6 months ago. That phone model really suck and i was having a hard time trying to navigate with the scroll button. I had that phone for almost 2 years, and it been thru a lot of good times and shit times with me.
As i tried very hard to wait for the pictures and load and delete, all the memories started to come back to me and it is like trying to bite off a piece of my heart.
From my first anniversary with Toie, those bouquet of flowers, to the night when i first met Jin at the KTV, the Cheesecake we decorated for Jo's birthday at Haagen Daaz while Peiyun was still with us, to the previous time i went back to Peicai with my beloved best buds.. My Sembawang Music badge.. That trip to Pulau Ubin, that Cable Car ride, that trip to the zoo.. and Hammy when she was young!
There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world You and I...
As i tried very hard to wait for the pictures and load and delete, all the memories started to come back to me and it is like trying to bite off a piece of my heart.
From my first anniversary with Toie, those bouquet of flowers, to the night when i first met Jin at the KTV, the Cheesecake we decorated for Jo's birthday at Haagen Daaz while Peiyun was still with us, to the previous time i went back to Peicai with my beloved best buds.. My Sembawang Music badge.. That trip to Pulau Ubin, that Cable Car ride, that trip to the zoo.. and Hammy when she was young!
And i really wished Singapore could be bigger. i went to Amk and all the memories starts to flood in my brain..
And Peishi just reminded me that exactly a year ago, we were wearing angel wings and giving out sanitary pads.. Gosh!!!
*****
I still remembered 4 years ago, there was this nerdy nobody who kept wondering why her life was so dull and overprotected, and then she kept trying to change her life, trying to change everything that she was to whoever she was not.. She did not care about anybody around her, she was just so determined to make her life "better", "exciting" and "cooler".
But eventually she played with fire and got burnt.
And now she looks at her scars and wonders what she had accomplished.
So what if she had memories.. all the good things didnt last while she put out her heart and her soul.. and now she decided not to anymore.. she is just so numbed..
Remembered the question i asked before we first broke up? I asked," Do you treat me like a passing memory?" and you said yes. Now you got what you wanted, isnt it?
There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world You and I...
Friday, March 07, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Read his blog, heard that he went out with his ex girl, it used to bother me a lot whenever her name was mentioned, but now i dont feel a thing at all. Well, maybe i am kinda numbed. I used to compare myself to her and the other girls in his life.
Now that i am not with him anymore, i feel that I've unloaded this very huge burden in my heart, or my brain, mind or whatever you call it. I am learning to really love myself now.
Yesterday i just clicked on his friendster and i saw him change his relationship status from "Single" to "In a relationship", i did not even change it myself and i did not even tell him to do so!
Call me sensitive or whatever, but it is the little things like that that shows.
Time to let go and learn to trust.
Now that i am not with him anymore, i feel that I've unloaded this very huge burden in my heart, or my brain, mind or whatever you call it. I am learning to really love myself now.
Of course sometimes tears still fall at night, but it feels good to know that i always have somebody to lean on, somebody so patient, understanding and appreciates the little things that i do for him. Somebody who, by right, doesnt have to share my emotional burden that i have from the past but he is still willing to do it.
Yesterday i just clicked on his friendster and i saw him change his relationship status from "Single" to "In a relationship", i did not even change it myself and i did not even tell him to do so!
Call me sensitive or whatever, but it is the little things like that that shows.
Time to let go and learn to trust.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
From Yuting to Yuting.
Life.. is a journey.
Sometimes you walk alone.
Sometimes a stranger comes to your life, and you decide to walk with them.
Sometimes the people you meet may lead you to different paths.
At the crossroads, you keep wondering whether it is the right direction to the right destination.
But there is no use turning back from a decision you have made yourself, dont mourn about it, find a solution.
I'll keep walking though it may seem far.
And i'll take the high road.
Life.. is a journey.
Sometimes you walk alone.
Sometimes a stranger comes to your life, and you decide to walk with them.
Sometimes the people you meet may lead you to different paths.
At the crossroads, you keep wondering whether it is the right direction to the right destination.
But there is no use turning back from a decision you have made yourself, dont mourn about it, find a solution.
I'll keep walking though it may seem far.
And i'll take the high road.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Don't remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it'd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied
If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
There's nothing more to say
Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living all are scarred
This is me, for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without an honest heart as compass
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything
My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins
I cant sleep cuz my pillow is too wet.
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it'd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied
If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
There's nothing more to say
Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living all are scarred
This is me, for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without an honest heart as compass
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything
My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins
I cant sleep cuz my pillow is too wet.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Said there'd be no going back
Promised myself I'd never be that sad
Maybe that's why you've come along
To show me, it's not always bad
Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
It's true I've become a skeptic
How many couples really love
Just wish I had a crystal ball
To show me, if it's worth it all
And I've got to be sure
Coz it's been so long
And I cannot take the pain again
If it all goes wrong
Promised myself I'd never be that sad
Maybe that's why you've come along
To show me, it's not always bad
Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
It's true I've become a skeptic
How many couples really love
Just wish I had a crystal ball
To show me, if it's worth it all
And I've got to be sure
Coz it's been so long
And I cannot take the pain again
If it all goes wrong
Saturday, March 01, 2008
I went online, wanted to post about something happy. But my fingers went over the keyboard to type his blog address instead, yeah, the same blog that i called it a propaganda.
Yes, to me, its a propaganda, yet i still read it, and i dont know why. Everytime he writes about me, my heart will be full of emotions, sometimes i'll get really fucked up and sometimes i will burst into tears. Sometimes when i read his blog in school, i'll drop tears secretly when my friends are not looking.
Just like my relationship with him, an emotional roller-coaster ride. I remembered i always felt so happy whenever we go, he was full of surprises and even if we have to stay in his house for the day, there's nothing we cannot do. But everytime i was happy but at the back of my mind, i was always worried, worried about whether he cheated on me or lie to me or not.
And i still remember dreading Tuesdays and Thursdays. Why? Cuz its his school days. When i am not beside him i just felt so insecure. And then occasionally we quarrelled, and i thought it was because of me being over-sensitive. But as time goes by, i found so many evidences and people telling me about his wrong-doings. I tried to give him a chance to explain himself but i was so disappointed that he came up with more lies. Its cuts me deep and it hurts a lot a lot.
Well, they are always two sides of the story, and i dont want waste my time and effort to right the wrongs in that relationship, because what is right for me is what is wrong for him, and vice versa.
They say opposite attracts, but so what if they are attracted to each other? In the end, we never overcame the Trust obstacle. I know that he is an optimist and believes that everything can change if he want to, yes, he want to, but would he do whatever it takes to stay faithful?
I dont want to think about it anymore, he dont know how much he hurts me, he only thinks that i can move on effortlessly and not care about him. I have nightmares too, i still cry when i think of him. He said i should help him move on, but how should i do it? The more we see each other, the more memories we build, the more memories we build, the wound cuts deeper.
When i was with Ivan in the movie theatre, i cried when i thought about the times we had, the way he held me and whispered in my ears, maybe to him, that memory is insignificant, but to me, that memory still comes back and haunt me.
Ivan is a breakdancer but to my surprise he isnt one of the stereotypes, unlike those loud, snobby, flirtatious guys full of hip hop slangs. When i first got to know him, i wasnt thinking about anything. It just feels as if i can tell him about anything, and he is a great listener. I see no hidden agendas and even though i knew he like me he just didnt make any moves. I often mentioned my ex this, my ex that, and it didnt even piss him off. When i cry because of those haunting memories, he is always there for me.
And i told him that being my boyfriend wasnt easy, and he said he is up for the challenge. He may not be as interesting and charismatic as Jin, and he may not bring me to fancy dates, but its ok, i feel loved and i feel protected.
This post is not about dissing anybody, and it is purely written from the depths of my heart. I know that you still love me, and sometimes i still think about you too, but i am sorry, i got to move on. I want to leave behind those hurting memories.
Yes, to me, its a propaganda, yet i still read it, and i dont know why. Everytime he writes about me, my heart will be full of emotions, sometimes i'll get really fucked up and sometimes i will burst into tears. Sometimes when i read his blog in school, i'll drop tears secretly when my friends are not looking.
Just like my relationship with him, an emotional roller-coaster ride. I remembered i always felt so happy whenever we go, he was full of surprises and even if we have to stay in his house for the day, there's nothing we cannot do. But everytime i was happy but at the back of my mind, i was always worried, worried about whether he cheated on me or lie to me or not.
And i still remember dreading Tuesdays and Thursdays. Why? Cuz its his school days. When i am not beside him i just felt so insecure. And then occasionally we quarrelled, and i thought it was because of me being over-sensitive. But as time goes by, i found so many evidences and people telling me about his wrong-doings. I tried to give him a chance to explain himself but i was so disappointed that he came up with more lies. Its cuts me deep and it hurts a lot a lot.
Well, they are always two sides of the story, and i dont want waste my time and effort to right the wrongs in that relationship, because what is right for me is what is wrong for him, and vice versa.
They say opposite attracts, but so what if they are attracted to each other? In the end, we never overcame the Trust obstacle. I know that he is an optimist and believes that everything can change if he want to, yes, he want to, but would he do whatever it takes to stay faithful?
I dont want to think about it anymore, he dont know how much he hurts me, he only thinks that i can move on effortlessly and not care about him. I have nightmares too, i still cry when i think of him. He said i should help him move on, but how should i do it? The more we see each other, the more memories we build, the more memories we build, the wound cuts deeper.
When i was with Ivan in the movie theatre, i cried when i thought about the times we had, the way he held me and whispered in my ears, maybe to him, that memory is insignificant, but to me, that memory still comes back and haunt me.
Ivan is a breakdancer but to my surprise he isnt one of the stereotypes, unlike those loud, snobby, flirtatious guys full of hip hop slangs. When i first got to know him, i wasnt thinking about anything. It just feels as if i can tell him about anything, and he is a great listener. I see no hidden agendas and even though i knew he like me he just didnt make any moves. I often mentioned my ex this, my ex that, and it didnt even piss him off. When i cry because of those haunting memories, he is always there for me.
And i told him that being my boyfriend wasnt easy, and he said he is up for the challenge. He may not be as interesting and charismatic as Jin, and he may not bring me to fancy dates, but its ok, i feel loved and i feel protected.
This post is not about dissing anybody, and it is purely written from the depths of my heart. I know that you still love me, and sometimes i still think about you too, but i am sorry, i got to move on. I want to leave behind those hurting memories.
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