"Oh my god, this is so GOOD."

It could have last a little longer but it didnt.


But eventually it wont, so i decided to end it.



And now i feel so fucking miserable. I cant believe it, it's 6 but i still cant slp.
What am i to do? I seriously feel very torn apart.

Tell him that i want him back? Will we still quarrel over the same things?
And also, it defys my own principle. Break and patch, break and patch, the cycle doesnt stop.


But the feeling is damn horrible, never had that kinda feeling before. Tried to sleep but my head cant stop thinking about the fact that ive to wake up tommorow, being suddenly single, no more chill out sundays, no more salmon and red wine, no more smelling his hair...

I feel so miserable!
I feel so miserable!
I feel so miserable!


This is by far the worst post ever.
I hate myself for loving you.


******

I've been thinkin 'bout giving up
but there's something inside me that's holding on
When we don't know who's right or wrong
we still stay strong, keep movin' on

And I promise I will never leave
Now would you do the same for me?
I wonder if I'll just will be
In time we'll see


He told me
He showed me
but He hurt me
yet He loved me the same
has anybody ever made you feel that way?
Could you really love him through the pain?


- Through the pain (Marion Winans, P diddy)

Something ive known long ago, and lost at some point of time in life.
Something that ive took for granted, something that i thought was overrated.
Something that i chose to ignore and succumbed to the pressure of what others will think about me.


Its all coming back to me now.

I am beautiful, no matter what they say.
Words cant bring me down.

I am not my hair, i am not this skin, i am the soul that lives within.

I will make all the fashion statements, just by dressing up my mind.

Every zit just shows that im human and ive learnt to live with it.
I dont need to have washboard abs to be happy.

I dont believe in living normal just to satisfy demand.

Ive learnt to love being me.

We are all creatures of habit, arent we?

From smoking sticks of death that are supposedly cancer-free, to not wanting to wake up on Mondays, should we blame God, or blame ourselves for not being disciplined enough, or simply, being human?

I think a lot, it sucks i know, but sometimes it comes in handy whenever i do some self-reflection.

After 6 months of seeing you everyday, its pretty hard for me to break the habit now that things are changing.
But i know its time to change.


Ive been debating with myself on whether i should put a little more faith in the relationship, after all, i rather act like a suspicious Paranoid than to be a stupid woman.


But it is pretty miserable to carry on in this relationship like that.

And as my friend says, if he is gonna cheat on you, no matter how hard you try he is still gonna do it.

So should i start loving you whole heartedly again but risk being stupid, being cheated, being ignorant of things that are going to come?

Or should i leave when things are not that bad, when i still have a choice?

Of course i know that you love me now, but is it worth it to still be with you when its not about love anymore, its about commitment?


But ive decided to give it another shot, and this time, its all or nothing.
No more debating with myself on whether i should trust you or not.
Please dont make me regret this decision.


And about your family, i will still continue to be myself, because I have done nothing wrong and am not afraid of some KARMA shit.


And about your friends, go ahead and meet out with them, i dont need to ask you for permission to go out with my friends, neither do you. Just dont fly my kite, and dont tell some last minute shit, and i will be satisfied. In turn, i'll let you know who i will be going out with.


And about your ex-ES, dont tell me anything about them anymore. I dont need to know where you fucked her before or all that kinda shit. It disgust me and makes me feel inferior.


And about you doing project with girls or tryna "talk jesus" with your female church friends, or tryna stare at other girls because you like their freaking dressing, just bear in mind that I AM NOT THEM and I WILL NEVER TRY TO BE LIKE THEM.

So its either me or them. There's no such thing as the best of both worlds.
And whether you can act like George Clooney, Johnny Depp, or Brad Pitt doesnt mean that your lies will never leave loopholes. And also bear in mind that im not as stupid as you think.


And meanwhile, my life is more about true friends, money, career and studies, and MYSELF!
Its good to be selfish because its WORTH IT!

Im currently addicted to this video.. i think its pretty hilarious..
Throw it on me- Timbaland feat. The Hives (And the WWE Divas!)



Dont we all love to watch catfights?!?

How i wish i can tell myself.. that situations will improve, that things is not as complicated as it seems..

But no..

Im sick and tired.


You, you know how to get me so low
My heart had a crash when we spoke
I can't fix what you broke

You, you always have a reason
Again & again this feelin'
Why do I give in?

And I always was, and always was one for crying
I always was one for tears


The map of the world is on you
The moon gravitates around you
The seasons escape you

And I always was, always was one for crying
I always was one for tears
No, I never was, never was one for lying
But you lied to me all of these while

The sun's getting cold, It's snowing
Looks like an Early Winter for us..

All the could-be's buzzin' 'round,
My mind a thousand-timely cloud
And now I can not see the sun


All the worries on my list
Rush like lamings off a cliff
I'm powerless to save even one


All my friends tell me I'm thinking too much
It's not over 'til it's over
Because today is trouble enough
Live tomorrow, 'til tomorrow



That intro's looping on and on
Don't really get to feel the song
When it's only playing in my head
If I don't listen with my heart
Trust my instincts from the start
Then I'm as done, as done can get



What if a black cat crosses my path
Does that mean you and me, we're not gonna last?
What if Mr Right turns out to be wrong?
What if there's no happy ending for this song
What if the one for me is the one that's she's with

Ok.. here goes the LP concert pics i promised..

Before the concert..

We have to reach an hour in order to get to the front row of Pen B, and we have to wait for another hour before LP is on stage, and there were a few ignorant Chinamen making lotsa noises, insulting LP.

I cant just let them insult my favorite band, can i?

So I gave them a middle-finger, and one shouted, "Faark euu!"
LOL.. What a pathetic piece of communist shit.. Hilarious.


But all the waiting and ear torturing was well worth it.
After 30 minutes the crowd got impatient.. every drum roll made them scream.







And then all the anticipation was replaced by a sudden adrenaline rush.. The lights went dim and i can see their shadows through the curtains..

I screamed at the top of my lungs...









Can you spot Chester on the screen?



I dont even know what i was doing... i just remembered that i was so high, i hit a guy's head while i was waving like the rest.. Haha..



After the concert..





That's all folks!
But wait.. ive a nice picture for y'all today...








TA DAH!

Who are you to judge, you dirty slut!
Go ahead and tell your mama all sorts of lies, do you think it will make your under-privileged life better?


NO!
You chose this path yourself, you chose to be poor. So dont act like a spoilt princess anymore.
The truth is, you NEVER was, you just tryna act like one, like you always do.



I never had a sister like that before but i can tell you, I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
Beneath your "OH, im so pretty and im like one of the hi-5 people, I loveeee kids" (add in some fake accent) bullshit, YOU are just a piece of crap, a living example of a corroded and corrupted product of the society.


So you love kids? Really? But you murdered your own.
Do you feel sad, do you feel guilty?
If you do, do the society a favour, dont teach them anymore.
Because what if these poor little innocent things grow up to be evil evil people like you?

Aww, that's just too bad.
Maybe that's why you chose to teach retarded kids, because they are not smart enough to see that their teacher is a two-faced bi-yatch.


I saw the SLUMP you living in now, its 10 times WORSE then my newly moved-in Sengkang house.
Mind you, my father is just a taxi driver.
Im so proud of my daddy, he is not rich but has three kids, he worked so hard for us and he never attempt to murder any one of us.



And I, ahem, am proud to say that ive learnt good values from him, that i should NEVER be a shameless slut no matter how poor i am.

I have my pride, i dont conned people's money, especially my own mother, and not even my BOYFRIEND, which you are so convinced that I am, when you dont even have the evidence against me.


So you want money so badly?
So you wanna conned ur mama's money?

Go ahead, go ahead and do it.
I wont go and expose ur shameless deeds, but dont use me as a medium.
You are a grown up, and life is not a Hongkong drama, stop making a big fuss and accuse me of all sorts of things.



Of course i am always aware that if I want to be a girlfriend for keeps, i must have a good relationship with his family.

But I, ZHUANG YUTING, will never stoop myself so low.
I do what is right and what i think i should do.
So try to fucked with me and see what you get. *SMILES*


Are you lost in your lies?
Do you tell yourself "I don't realize"?


Your crusade's a disguise
Replace freedom with fear
You trade money for lives


I'm aware of what you've done
No more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced


I see pain
I see need
I see liars and thieves
Abuse power with greed
I had hope
I believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived
You will pay for what you've done



Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!


- Linkin Park

Today i did the craziest shit ive ever done in 19 years of my life..
It is stupid and freakin hilarious.. haha..
but its so crazy that i cant write out in my blog.. Ask me if you want to know about it..
If i trust you enough i'll let you know about it. HA.

I didnt sleep well last nite.. so i decided to give myself another day off.
I still havent come to a decision yet, but i vaguely know what the outcome will be like.
Shit happens, and its not the first relationship anyway.

And also, its not his first serious relationship, and im definitely not the one who gave him the best memories. So even if i leave him or not, it doesnt matter.

I went to my neighbour's house after both of us faked MC together. We did nothing the whole afternoon except drinking and watching taiwanese variety shows..

Im not a big fan of cheenah shows, but came across this segment when this artiste sang this familiar song..
And then my neighbour told me, " I think this song really suits you now man."
I thought it was quite absurd but when i think about the lyrics, i think it's really true.




Dun do wrong to what its already wrong. Aargh.
And what sucks is that u cant fight the feelings but you can only do what is right.
And after all i can only blame myself that ive agreed to start this relationship.
And it doesnt start out the right way also..
Sigh. Dun wanna think about it anymore.


After 6 months, why do you still not understand,
that what i want is not material things, but trust?


So what you are in ns? Or what if you are still as rich?
It doesnt change the fact that i can never trust you.
It doesnt change the fact that you can never make me trust you.

I know what you are thinking. Money makes YOUR world go round but you dont expect everybody to think or act the same way as you do.

TRUST means everything to me but i know what you think, you think its bullshit.
Of course its normal to lie, of course its common for people to cheat on their wives, right?
But its not to me. See, this is why i think we shouldnt be together. Our priorities are different.

I dont know what you think about me, but from the start, i never want to be with you because of your money. Im saying this not because i wanna tell everybody that Im a nice girl or whatever bullshit, they can think what they wanna think for all i care.
But what disappoints me is that you still dont understand me.


Titanic is on channel 5 now, I used to think it was cheesy.
But i think the love is true, it does exist.
Why?
BECAUSE JACK DIED IN THE END!!!


Think about it, what if they made it thru together, will their relationship still stay as strong?
Will Jack cheat on Rose?
Will Rose take Jack for granted?


Silly questions.
But how true is reality.
That's why Shakespeare always do tragedies.

I wanted to post about LP's concert... but some other day i guess...

The high feeling is gone and the only thing i can feel now is being disappointed.

I kept asking myself, was it my fault?
Was it my fault to decide to trust you?
You know how much i value trust, you know how much i despise liars.
But yet, you still did.
Maybe you are doing this all the time and yet i was still living in bliss, thinkin that im the luckiest girl in the world.


I used to think that i should give you more, because sometimes i thought you really love me and did lotsa things for me.


But no, not anymore.


You've betrayed my trust yet again.


WHY?!?

Because you are a compulsive liar? It is not a freakin excuse.
True, maybe its a "white lie" this time, how bout the next time?

I hate it when you can act so naturally.. you really should deserve an Oscar.


Is it because im not good enough?
But i tried so hard to give you my best.
I know that even if I look like Ms Universe, you will still eventually cheat on me.
The grass is always greener on the other side, right?



THEN DONT TOUCH ME!
How many girls have you touched before and who else are you still touching?
How many girls have you kissed with those lips and who else are you still kissing?
How many girls have you lied and tell them they are the only one?
"I miss you, i love you" ITS FUCKIN OVERRATED!


My friend always complained that her guy is not a white piece of paper, but YOU are WORST.
You are freaking TAINTED!
And i am not as open and forgiving as her, and i DESPISE liars, you betrayed my trust, and once its broken its never gonna be back the same way as it used to be.


I tried so hard to stay faithful, this is what i get.
I tried so hard to tell myself that i should trust you, and this is what i get.



GO AWAY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!
Im not gonna be as gullible as i used to be.
I hope you can HIDE better to your other girlfriends next time.
Or maybe, next time find a STUPID one.


Im woke up today hoping that yesterday was just a dream..
Reality sucks.

BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Celebrated it at K Box with ITE mates.. they are really nice!
Hmm.. should have took more pictures.. I dont have it wit me now so i wont post them.

A big THANK YOU for all those people who wished me.. at least u remembered. I appreciate it.
Ever since Sec 2, ive been really blessed to have prezzies and great friends to celebrate my birthdays with me. And not forgetting my favorite favorite person in the world right now.. MR KOHJIAJIN! I love you i love you i love you!


I think im allergic to instant noodles.. my tummy felt really weird just now.
BUT I MUST go to the LP concert! Cant wait.

Oh wells.

I always love celebrity gossips, thou its a whole lot of crap but somehow it always fascinates me. I never got tired reading about Britney spears.
I'm currently addicted to this website: http://perezhilton.com/

Ha.. also, check out this vid by Perez..
He's hilarious!

I love public holidays!!!

That's when i can spend quality time wit the BOYFRIEND! <3



Look what we've bought...

Chocolate Liquor.









Marshmallow drink.. YUM.



and Smoke salmon, Lime Juice and $16 Blueberry yoghurt that is well-worth the price..



After that we went to O'Briens..




Man, look at that..



We went home after that.. and as usual, the Boyfriend took LONG afternoon nap..




and he got himself a tattoo on his feet..





Eiffel Tower- I bought it for the Boyfriend and i played a part in building it too!



ok. Time for the BEST PICTURE OF THE DAY..

And it goes to..


*
**
***
*****
*******
**********

CHENG SHAN AN THE SLEEPING BEAUTY!!!


Exclusively@theonlywordsiknow.blogspot.com

Maybe I’m the one
Maybe I’m the one
Who is…The schizophrenic Psycho…

Maybe I’m the one
Maybe I’m the one
Who is…The paranoid flake-oh…


Puddle of mudd- Psycho

See i knew it. Never be too happy about something. Thought it was going to be another best bud hangout, in the end?

But its ok, i understand that he have to work, anyway he is gonna treat us the next time we meet. HAHAHA!

And why of all people, i have to meet that fuckin MEMElia on the LRT?
I took the wrong LRT and was pretty fucked up already. I was just looking out the train , trying to sort out the stuff in my brain. And then i heard some people talking about Luo Zhi Xiang, though i despise people with bad music taste but i just didnt give a fuck. And den i sat on an empty seat because i was freaking tired. And den i felt somebody staring at me. I thought she looked somewhat familiar but i was too tired to give a fuck.

She was talking on the phone and guess what she said? She was telling her friend that i didnt dare to do anything to her because I am alone.

Like WTF?!?

Did i give a fuck about her last time?
No.
But she just gave me a reason to DO SOMETHING to her.
She asked for it. Nobody messes with me.


Retarded bitch, who viewed my profile first?
Who kept staring at me and my friend at coffeebean first?
Who kept staring at me when i was with my guy at Kovan?
Who went to stalk my friend when he was working?

Mess with you? Oh fuck, Im not worthy!
Haha, u fucking big joke, do you think that staring at me and my clique will make you better looking?

Nuh-uh!

Oh i feel so sad for you that u cant see Luo Zhi Xiang when he comes to SG, but i bet he wun even give a fuck about u, pathetic slut!

Oops, i forgot, slut isnt a way to describe you, because nobody will ever wanna fuck u, HAHAHA!

Fuckin fat ass, u better watch out in school.
And so what that you are a councillor? Better cherish the rest of ur school term because im gonna make ur life fuckin miserable.
Dun let me see you in school!
Somebody warn her, quick!


and let me tell an exclusive secret, pls dun tell anybody ya?

MY FRIEND IS NEVER GONNA LIKE U! LOL!