Situations are tense all the time. I missed my previous house. I never really regard it as a home but I still miss it. I feel very misunderstood and less privileged.. Has things changed? Or maybe it was the same all along. Maybe all the while ive been deceiving myself.


That’s the reason why I never trust people. Because the more I trust them, the more they will end up hurting me. Especially those whom I thought that they were suppose to love me.. and they didn’t.. or the way they did things, it shows that they never gave a damn. Im sensitive. It hurts my feelings.


Im really trapped inside. I keep trying to hold on to what is really mine. Or maybe its just temporary. So I have to be prepared to get hurt. Optimism is just an imagination, its like a therapy people use to deceive themselves. At least it is, in my dictionary.


I cant wait to go to the LP concert. It’s the only way to vent all my resentments. I still remember those days when I used to locked myself in a room and blast their music all day.

I was just a fucked up kid. And I still am.

Some good songs always have a hidden agenda no matter how much the authorities wanna censor them, and most dumb people will never understand.

Ask me why i love rap music again.


David Banner: Speaker

Tool On Deck,
Why Would I Lie?
Nigga You A Pussy
Hope You Got 9 Lives.


I Could Hit A Nigga Wit The 9.-9 Times
Country Ass Boy, Country Like Leanne Rimes
Mississippi D-Banner
Everybody Got Tools
So You Will Need A Hammer

Im A Pill Poppin Animal
Syrup Sipping Nigga
Im So High You Couldn't Reach Me Wit A F**king Antenna
Your F**king Wit This Man
You Can Be This Man Dinner
The Rapper Is Insane
Flowing Like A Mad River
Make Your Ass Quiver
Like You Naked At Winter
Hollygrove Honcho
Hard Time Giver
Im A Shark In The Water
You Just Long John Silver

I Got A Girl
You Want To Meet Her
Her Name Is 9 Millimeter

If I Got 9 Slugs, 9 Bullets Gon Fly
If I Got A Red Beam, 9 People Gon Die

9 Momma's Gon Cry, 9 Spirits In The Sky
9 Preachers Preachin, 9 Sermons Tellin 9 Lies

Cause Each And Every One Of Yall 9 Nigga's Wasn't Shit
I Would Of Rather Kept The 9 Lugers In The Ruger Clips
The Index Finga Slip I Let The 9 Spit
I Lick Em All Like 18 Tits On 9 Chicks
Im A Suicide Risk, 9 Slits On Each Wrist
If I Died 9 Times, The Next Go Arounds A Bitch
And If I Come Back I Throw 99 Souls
And Shove 9 Inches Of Dick In 99 Hoes Yall

Ima West Coast Original, Black John Wayne
Im Too Slick To Slide,
Never Snitch I Let It Ride
I Set Aside,
All My Feelins When Im Killin,
Like A Villian
Move Quick Like A Cheetah, Imma Killa
I Aint Here To Lock Up,
I Flash The Heata And Then Lock Ya Whole Block Up
Niggas Always Actin Hard,
I Keep A 9 Mm In My Waist And Got Two More In The Car
Yeah You All Bout To Get So Quit It,Tryin To Conseal It
You F**k Around And Make Me Reveal It So Kill It Skillet


I Got A 9 Mm
Ready To Go Off Any Minute
So You Feel It
Because Of A Law I Had To Conseal It
If You F**k Around You Gon Make Me Reveal It...

UH huh!

Another hypocritical attempt BITES THE DUST.

Recently i just got this friendster message from Lixia.

Lixia wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Lixia's profile and send a reply.
A message from Lixia: hey sis how life?


Well, its all good, nice and sweet. But you know what's the problem?
She didnt even bother to say hi to me in Enyouth. When i tried to smile and talk to her, she just looked awkward and talks to others instead.


Now what? Sis? Who is your fucking sister?

Why do i make such a big fuss when people try to be friendly?
Well, im not trying to show that ive attitude or smth here, but hey, Lixia, your messing with the wrong person.

What pisses me off is that some people dun even noe me and wanna assume that im fuckin stupid.

Do i seem like a naive person to you?


Do i seem like a sweet, simple and innocent little girl who thinks that the world is BE-AUtiful with rainbows, stars and pinkish things and that everybody wants to be my friend because im ooohh-so-lovable~?


Well, get the fuck out of my life. I dun deny the fact that everybody is a hypocrite (including myself) but i think it is pretty ridiculous to get smth from me this way. (but other ways wont work anyway.)


Everybody tell me that it is a must to suck up to people in this society. But i would rather people to suck my dick and maybe i might consider getting "used" by them.


But i probably wont have a sex transplant anytime soon.
So dismiss the idea yeah? =)

Hmm.. felt so shitty just now.
Thank God Sheng yuan disturbed me at the right time.
Friends are SOOOOOO important to me.


I Love Sheng Yuan!
I Luuurve Soppy~!
I luuuuuuuurve Fatim!
I love Dennis!!!!
I love Shan an!
I love Sebastian!!
I love Chao ah ma!
I love MY Valerie!!! ( Not his fuckin ex.)
I love Derek cuz ur an asshole!!!
I love wEwes! (One at each time.)
I love Teddy!!! (u noe who u are.)


and Naq too. Thanks for cheering me up, i haven noe u enough to love you yet, but soon!
Hehe!


Im sorry boyfriend.
ive disappointed u, havent i?
Sometimes i really wish to be sugar, spice, and everything nice.
But no, im never like that. Makes me feel stupid.

AND one day im gonna make sure i'll let those people who LOOK DOWN on me regret and swallow all those SHIT that they say!


Dun believe in me?
FUCK U!


I CAN do whatever i want and i'll make sure i'll succeed.
Nobody is gonna bring me down.

NOBODY.




I WILL NOT LOSE.

i WAS quite happy that i didnt need to go to work anymore.
Until i saw my skool timetable.





4 days of morning assembly.

FUCK THAT.

Happy, happy, HAPPY!


the Boyfriend got me LINKIN PARK CONCERT TICKETS!!!









Well..
Everything is ok now.
(NO, not because of Linkin Park.)


Anyway, im so glad that i speaked out how rotten i felt inside, it took a lot of guts because im not a vocal person and because i know there will only be 1/100 chance that the Boyfriend would actually read my blog.


it was all a misunderstanding and i know nobody can be perfect. Maybe we still need more time to know each other, it is wrong for me to stereotype him.


And i couldnt believe that i actually apologize to him, ( Normally i would rather kill myself then to say sorry) but i guess i should. I really appreciate all the things he has done for me.


A month ago it would be easy-breezy for him to get me those tickets but not now that he is in the army. But the Boyfriend knows how Hard-core i am about Linkin Park. heh.




Thank you baby!!!
And im sorry that you couldnt watch David Copperfield live because of me.

How long can we last- Who can say for certain?!?

But all i know is that i am happy to be with you now.
We are still young, and things are constantly changing.

Very soon, ur gonna take up the business course, im gonna graduate from ite, and im gonna get into early childhood..

I hope we can go through all this together, through happy times and shitty times.





Ok, Im getting cheesy.
Time to end this entry.
But before that.....














DROOLS!!!!

(Sorry, i cant help it guys!) =P

The picture that u showed me of the both of u looks blurry, probably by bad photography.
Although i cant see the face properly i know she is pretty.

And i bet she made u happier than i do. I bet she dun give u attitude as much as i do. I bet she studies harder and got better grades than i do. I bet she lets u take the lead all the time. I bet she is everything that u want.

But she is not who i am.
Never.

And of course, its not just her. I dun want to sound like some controlling freak. Ive guy friends. At least i know what is going on through the freakin male brain. But it hurts me when u stare at other girls literally when im just right beside you.


I never trust people and i've never trusted you. I dun wanna act like a fuckin idiot.

I feel hideous most of the time when im with u. THE MOST HIDEOUS, AWFULLY DREADFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD EVER.

Dun try to tell me that im not like that to u.

If im attractive enough, i'll make u forget about ur ex.
If im attractive enough, i'll never make u look the other way.


Im sick of trying so hard. Its never gonna work. I need someone who can really love me for who i am, someone that will try harder, or at least, act like its the truth and show me that im the only one in his life.


Im a selfish girl when it comes to relationships.


And yes im skeptical. Because i dun wanna end up like a fuckin idiot, gave all the best that i can give and then to have u left me for some other girl one fine day?


Its ok to take me for granted. Your not the first one anyway.
Even if ur not now, someday u will.


Sometimes i just wish that i could act like a boy...

People asked me, why do u wanna be in the relationship when u noe that it can never have a happy ending?

I think all the while ive been decieving myself. I ignored my instincts, and this is what i get.

CHECK THIS OUT.

Channel NewsAsia - Tuesday, September 25

ITE makes a worldwide top educator

SINGAPORE : It once used to be the bottom feeder of the educational system in the eyes of parents. Now, the Institute of Technical Education (ITE) stands on top of the world.

It has won a global award for improving vocational and technical training in Singapore.
At a ceremony in the United States on Monday night (Tuesday morning, Singapore time), a Harvard University institute held up the ITE as a government programme to be noted for its reforms, and it wants the post—secondary education provider to share its story with the world.

ITE is getting US$100,000 (S$150,000), sponsored by IBM, to do just that. One of the key criteria for the IBM Innovations Award in Transforming Government, which saw more than 100 entries from 30 countries, is whether the programme can be replicated successfully in other countries.

In its citation of ITE, the Ash Institute at Harvard described how it was "formerly a last resort for low—achieving students" but underwent a 10—year reform plan, "revamping irrelevant curriculum, upgrading learning environments and instating new academic requirements for current teachers".

As a result, ITE reported a 33—per—cent increase in graduation rates and a 50—per—cent rise in students enrolled between 1995 and last year.
The award also represents a culmination of ITE’s go—global plan, a bid to increase its influence worldwide. This includes licensing its courses overseas, working on consultancy projects and offering short—term training.

The most important aspect of its efforts has been the alliances it has forged with other vocational and technical education institutes, ITE chief executive Bruce Poh told TODAY.
It recently joined the Global Education Network, comprising institutions from Australia, Canada and the US.

While go—global efforts like these have benefited ITE through "mutual learning" and "benchmarking" of courseware development, curricula standards and faculty development, when it comes to international recognition, its latest award is the icing on the cake, said Mr Poh.
ITE already has plans to share its knowledge with developing countries. Having provided consultancy work in the last two years to Indonesia, Jordan and Thailand, it will be helping leaders of technical education in three African countries — Madagascar, Mozambique and Ghana — when they visit Singapore in January.

ITE graduate Mohamed Suhayil, 30, now a country account manager for a multinational smart card company, told TODAY that his alma mater deserves the plaudits for its achievements, especially for transforming its image. "Without all the bits and bytes I picked up from ITE, I wouldn’t have developed this far in my career."

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong also congratulated ITE: "It has developed a unique brand of education, to train students with ’thinking hands’ who excel in technical vocations. A first class ITE system is critical to enabling every Singaporean to maximise his potential, and participate fully in Singapore’s growth and progress." — TODAY/ym

People, tag me with ur opinions.