Just went home from Singapore mint.. Tired, cant breathe properly.
SG mint's a great place to work at, with a lot of nice people to talk to, and today Jo and Peishi went down to visit us, so sweet.


I am contented with my life, ive accepted that nothing is perfect. If it was me in 2007, i would have kept grumbling bout me having asthma, bla bla bla. But now, no.


Sometimes i ask myself whether i should re-think on my perception on relationship.
People around me know that ive never been a player (only when im single, but not really anyway), but i start to think about whether i should really stay in a serious relationship.


I really love the one that i am with now but ive little faith that it can last, at the same time, i feel that since im still young and im a late developer (more on that later) , should i put all my time and effort for just one guy?


I am a late developer for my age you know. I never stayed overnight outside till i was in Secondary school, i havent got a handphone till i was in Sec 3. I got my first rebonding with my own money when im 17 and ive never been in a relationship until i graduated from Secondary school. My first overseas trip was a school trip to Malaysia. I had my first alcohol only when i was 18 and ive never been to clubbing until i was 19. Can somebody tell me i am pathetic?!?


But nevertheless, it was good in the sense that i haven really gone delinquent, maybe if my parents are a bit less stricter i would be clubbing every week and maybe turn out to be a real slut, which i shudder at the thought of it. If i had a boyfriend when i was in Sec 2, i would probably lose my virginity then, can you imagine? Losing your virginity just because a teenage guy just got his first erection and he wants to use you to "try it out"? So disgusting!!!


And also, I dare to say that I am wiser than most girls my age. In a sense that i would never let somebody take advantage of me.

But yeah, as they say, you cant choose your parents, and i cant change the fact that i am the eldest and need to set an example (or so they say).



Ok, back to what i want to say in this blog entry..

So i am such a late developer. But I always make it a point that, if i want to be in a relationship, it must be a serious one. I dont really see marriage but i will want it to last as long as possible. And i always believe that karma exist.

Now i have confessions to make.


When i go out with Jiajin, it is just natural for us to hold hands, hug each other and kiss. I DID made up my mind to break up with him on the last day of 2007 but he wanted us to give each other 3 months, and i know that i will definitely fall in love with him again and complicate things, but he convinced me to, and because i still had feelings for him, so i accepted the three months thingy.


So now my status is unclear, but when people ask me about it, i say i am single because i dont bother to explain.


Sebastian knows about my real status, sometimes i feel that he is trying to break us up. I know what kinda person he is and i am not flattered that he likes me. I percieve him as desperate because of the fact that he just broke up with his ex of 3 years, and during that 3 years, he slept with his best friend. Being with him doesnt do much to my self-esteem, it will only make it worse.



I went for SG mint and i met this China guy that is pretty interesting. Let's call him Z.

He's like the China version of Jin, 20, very playful and he is never really serious about work. I dont look down on people from China because we are Chinese too, just that we lost our identity, which we have nothing to be proud of, although i admit that some are very ignorant.


But i am alright with ignorant people just as long as they dont act like they know everything.


I dunno Z well, but he gives me this very innocent vibe, which i kinda like. Like he is very straightforward when he talks about things. And he is very straightforward in letting me know that he likes me, sometimes i feel awkward because i dunno how to reply him.
Honestly, i DO NOT have feelings for him, but i like to talk to him because it makes me feel better for myself. I really dont know how to describe this.


When i am with Jin, my self esteem feels like an egg, so fragile, every second he can just remind me that maybe i am not that good enough, and then my self esteem just falls to pieces..


I mean, i just want to get it out of my chest, i am not blaming anyone here, because i know very clearly that confidence is from the inside, but i just know that it does play a big part in what i feel about my relationship..