Sometimes i feel very confused inside.

I think ive been pretty much sheltered for the past 17 or 18 years of my life, and now that ive broken out of my shell, i am still trying to find an identity.

What is right and what is wrong?

Everybody's perception are different and it is hard to please everybody, when sometimes, i dont even know what or who i should believe.

In the past the people surronding me are what i believe (or thought) to be whom i can trust, whom i can give and love unconditonally and if i am nice and true to them and they will do the same to me.





But im not a kid anymore and i dont want to be.





The bad person always come to a bad ending and the nice person will be the hero in the end- that will only happen in serial dramas, right?





Is it wrong to be selfish? Even if i am selfless, who cares? Nobody.





Maybe my friend is right when he said i listen to too much metal songs.. but damn, i can blame no one but myself for having such a distorted perception about life.



I seriously hate myself for thinkin so much, it is like my brain has endless capacity but instead of putting knowledge into it, i keep filling it with bullshit..







Like, why can she have that and not me?

Like, what if he cheat on me?

Like, this girl isnt pretty at all! What has she gotta do with him!

Like, in what ways im not better than them? I dont care, i must be the best!

Like, am i good enough? why can i be better?

Like, i hate being normal, i want to be extraordinary.

Like, why cant i have the things i want? I want it and i dont care, i just want it now!



I am such a motherfuckin princess. haha.

I need to stop playing the "I think what you will think that i think" games..




Its tiring but im so obsessed.

"Hate those times when the mirror's not my friend

When everything I see in it offends

Talking back at me I swear it says

All the things I think they're thinking about me

On rainy days when there's absolutely nothing to do

But stay inside, bite my nails and chew

On all the things I'd rather not think about thinking

All the things I think they're thinking." - Natasha B.