Visual Orgasm





New Album with O-so-hot MARION and Bow Wow.

Oh my god... People ask me why i prefer niggas..

Doesnt this answer your question?!?

Those arms, those weaves, caramel skin, tattoo.. I LIKE...

I sound so horny. Damn!





P.s: Jiajin is hot, too!

Just went home from Singapore mint.. Tired, cant breathe properly.
SG mint's a great place to work at, with a lot of nice people to talk to, and today Jo and Peishi went down to visit us, so sweet.


I am contented with my life, ive accepted that nothing is perfect. If it was me in 2007, i would have kept grumbling bout me having asthma, bla bla bla. But now, no.


Sometimes i ask myself whether i should re-think on my perception on relationship.
People around me know that ive never been a player (only when im single, but not really anyway), but i start to think about whether i should really stay in a serious relationship.


I really love the one that i am with now but ive little faith that it can last, at the same time, i feel that since im still young and im a late developer (more on that later) , should i put all my time and effort for just one guy?


I am a late developer for my age you know. I never stayed overnight outside till i was in Secondary school, i havent got a handphone till i was in Sec 3. I got my first rebonding with my own money when im 17 and ive never been in a relationship until i graduated from Secondary school. My first overseas trip was a school trip to Malaysia. I had my first alcohol only when i was 18 and ive never been to clubbing until i was 19. Can somebody tell me i am pathetic?!?


But nevertheless, it was good in the sense that i haven really gone delinquent, maybe if my parents are a bit less stricter i would be clubbing every week and maybe turn out to be a real slut, which i shudder at the thought of it. If i had a boyfriend when i was in Sec 2, i would probably lose my virginity then, can you imagine? Losing your virginity just because a teenage guy just got his first erection and he wants to use you to "try it out"? So disgusting!!!


And also, I dare to say that I am wiser than most girls my age. In a sense that i would never let somebody take advantage of me.

But yeah, as they say, you cant choose your parents, and i cant change the fact that i am the eldest and need to set an example (or so they say).



Ok, back to what i want to say in this blog entry..

So i am such a late developer. But I always make it a point that, if i want to be in a relationship, it must be a serious one. I dont really see marriage but i will want it to last as long as possible. And i always believe that karma exist.

Now i have confessions to make.


When i go out with Jiajin, it is just natural for us to hold hands, hug each other and kiss. I DID made up my mind to break up with him on the last day of 2007 but he wanted us to give each other 3 months, and i know that i will definitely fall in love with him again and complicate things, but he convinced me to, and because i still had feelings for him, so i accepted the three months thingy.


So now my status is unclear, but when people ask me about it, i say i am single because i dont bother to explain.


Sebastian knows about my real status, sometimes i feel that he is trying to break us up. I know what kinda person he is and i am not flattered that he likes me. I percieve him as desperate because of the fact that he just broke up with his ex of 3 years, and during that 3 years, he slept with his best friend. Being with him doesnt do much to my self-esteem, it will only make it worse.



I went for SG mint and i met this China guy that is pretty interesting. Let's call him Z.

He's like the China version of Jin, 20, very playful and he is never really serious about work. I dont look down on people from China because we are Chinese too, just that we lost our identity, which we have nothing to be proud of, although i admit that some are very ignorant.


But i am alright with ignorant people just as long as they dont act like they know everything.


I dunno Z well, but he gives me this very innocent vibe, which i kinda like. Like he is very straightforward when he talks about things. And he is very straightforward in letting me know that he likes me, sometimes i feel awkward because i dunno how to reply him.
Honestly, i DO NOT have feelings for him, but i like to talk to him because it makes me feel better for myself. I really dont know how to describe this.


When i am with Jin, my self esteem feels like an egg, so fragile, every second he can just remind me that maybe i am not that good enough, and then my self esteem just falls to pieces..


I mean, i just want to get it out of my chest, i am not blaming anyone here, because i know very clearly that confidence is from the inside, but i just know that it does play a big part in what i feel about my relationship..

Barack Obama or Hilary Clinton?

Although some of my intellectual classmates were hooked on it a few months ago, i didnt really care.. but as the election date draws near, it is time to give a shit.

I really admire Clinton for her perseverance and patience, i mean, for a scorpion like her, she should have just divorced her CHEATING Leo counterpart.
Imagine you watched the news one day and your husband told the press they just had "Oral sex ONLY" (which is just impossible, im sure he had done more than that with more than 1 woman.)


But forgiving her husband certainly pays off now, and ive been wondering whether she had everything planned out from the start. She is power-hungry, very dominating, but ultimately, she is still a woman.

Personally, i feel that she makes a great First lady, but President, maybe not.
Women pays attention to small details and i believe the lives of Americans can be improve with her as the President, but can she handle the big things..?


Will she be able clear up the mess that Bush irresponsibly left?

But then again, her CHEATING husband will be able to help her with that, if he isnt too busy sleeping with other women again. ( Sorry i just cant help it.)


Barack Obama is a pretty lovable guy. And he has got Oprah Winfrey to back him up..
Gosh, do you know how influential she is?
But this women should know that she shouldnt cross the line. I believe that she has a crush on Obama. (not convinced? Look at their pictures together.)

Sorry to sidetrack.. where was i?
Yeap. Obama.. so lovable, charming, half white, half black and used to live in Asia for a period of time. I like him for the fact that he doesnt deny his teenage delinquency and how he quit smoking with a campaign he came up with himself.

I believe this man is capable of being the US president but im afraid he might have the tendency to mess up his personal life just like Bill Clinton, but for other matters, im think he can make a better president.



My scorpio instinct tells me that he will be elected.

Anybody wants to bet?

I know it is hard to reassure you, at the same time im glad that you actually cared.
I understand how you feel but i wont try to tell you that i will never hang out with him again because i know that will be a lie.

He is never my kind of guy and if i have feelings for him, we would have been together a long time ago.

I feel that it is very contradicting.. You said he is despicable and has hidden agenda.. and he said it is best that i should find other guys out there rather than to quarrel with you all the time..

I think that the both of you do have a point but i think i can pretty much come up with a decision myself..

2007 had been a confusing year.. a year that i reflect on my past values, a year filled with self doubt and a year of making so much choices.. choices that really do affect my life.


RELATIONSHIPS

Earlier part of the year, i left somebody whom i thought that i am going to be with for the rest of my life, and i did it and i thought i would regret- he is like a sanctuary, when i left him its like im left alone to make decisions irrationally which i did.. But when i look back now, it is true that he is an extraordinary person but we are just not meant for each other.


And then i met another extraordinary person, the reason i want to be with him at the start was just to try something different. He is wild, he's crazy and he's more irrational than me. He showed me things that ive never seen before and he let me do things that ive never done before. He is a very very sinful person- but ive learnt to accept his flaws but there's only one thing that i can never stand- i can never trust him.

But what ive learnt in these 2 relationships is that i never should be so obsessed. I never should act like a motherfuckin princess and i never should have gave them attitude. And I agree and i admit that im wrong and im willing to change in 2008, regardless of how many guys i will meet in the future, it is not gonna be the same.


LIFE

There is something that has been really affecting me last year.
Looks- is it really that important?


In the past, i was the ugly duckling, i'd never hang out with the popular group but this is also the reason why ive found the bestest friendships that last for soooo long.


Now when i hang out with new people, my perception in looks really changes.


That ugly people should know that they are not of quality to wear such nice clothes, that fat people are losers, that branding is really all that matters, that it is not morally right that an ugly girl should be out with the cute guy, that the only thing to prove your self worth is by getting numbers in the streets..


But it is all BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT IS NOT RIGHT AND IT WILL NEVER BE RIGHT.


Though it is fun, i never believe that going clubbing makes you cool. Thousands of girls and guys go there, what makes you think that you are special?

Oh so that guy or girl wants your number?!?
WOW!!! Good for you! We should all get a champagne and celebrate~!!!
What a loser! Wake up! Chances are the other party is as lonely as you, or, he/she is attached but is equally a loser to be unfaithful.


If you were to judge your self esteem based on all these, then i really dont think that you are really confident.


And although a lot of fat and ugly people that ive met are a pain in the ass, but some of them that i know are really good, at least better than some good looking people ive known. Most of all, they really know how to laugh at themselves and have a good time, simple as that, how many good looking people can actually laugh at themselves? They laugh at others to feel better- ultimately, they are the real LOSERS.


Of course, i cant deny that we should all be well-groomed, but i will not be pressurized to wear full make up, to wear whatever those people should be wearing, to wear sexy lingeries and i dont give 2 hoots about manicure,
if any guy try to tell me to do so and he will fall in love with me i will tell him to EAT MY SHIT!


I will do it if i want to, but nobody's gonna change my point of view. And i am determine to find a guy that is interesting and at the same time faithful to me, and i believe i can and i will.


2008, i want a new me, stronger and wiser and not let anybody break me down.


And i will get inspiration from Oprah Winfrey, not Jessica Alba.