Head First For the Halos

Sunday, December 30, 2007

I cant get it back, but
I dont want it back, i
Realized that,
he dont know how to act
Tried to settle down now look what i get
Thought it was time but i guess not yet

Never been a dumb girl,
No im not dense
I just had a slight lack
Of common sense

I was the good girl
He was the bad guy
Im thinking one boy
He's thinking me, her and another her
Yep he had plenty
But love for only me, he didnt have any

I was inviting, him into my heart
But he was out getting other girls' attention
He was my night time, thought I was his star
Guess I was wrong, but see im strong
Wont take me long for me to move on

Please dont worry bout me im fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say
That i'll be ok
Go on baby..

The mistake i made is clear
We never shoulda been together
Thats the reason youre not here
I know that I can do much better

Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby im feeling no stress
Im too fly to be depressed

In a relationship, who is to say which is right and which is wrong?
Was it me or him or both?

It didnt matter anymore.

I wanted to patch up the last time because i feel that there is hope.
Now, it is all gone.
And i will be lying if i say that i am not sad, that i dont have any feelings for him anymore.
I gotta face the truth and sometimes the truth is always not the way we want it to be.

In the past, i always hate it when things doesnt go my way but i know that i cant change the whole world to suit me.
And blending his frivolous nature with my idea of a committed relationship is just not going to work out- no matter how much he loves me, he just couldnt stay faithful..

And i am not blaming him- Honestly, who am i to blame?
It is my mistake to agree to this relationship, i already know what is in for me already, yet i still want to step into it thinkin that i can change it, and then give him attitude when i cant help but to suspect when he will be cheating on me.

So it is my fault. But it is ok to fall sometimes. I forgive myself. And i know it takes time but i can move on, and i will.

***
To: Jia Jin

Just now when we gave each other our last hug and i told you to not smoke too much, it is not what i wanted to say to you, because i know you are going to smoke anyway.

i just couldnt get it out of my mouth, but what i actually wanted to tell you is this:

" The truth always comes with a price to pay. But please remember that you can decieve the whole world but you can never decieve yourself."

Thanks for the memories.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Sometimes i feel very confused inside.

I think ive been pretty much sheltered for the past 17 or 18 years of my life, and now that ive broken out of my shell, i am still trying to find an identity.

What is right and what is wrong?

Everybody's perception are different and it is hard to please everybody, when sometimes, i dont even know what or who i should believe.

In the past the people surronding me are what i believe (or thought) to be whom i can trust, whom i can give and love unconditonally and if i am nice and true to them and they will do the same to me.

But im not a kid anymore and i dont want to be.

The bad person always come to a bad ending and the nice person will be the hero in the end- that will only happen in serial dramas, right?

Is it wrong to be selfish? Even if i am selfless, who cares? Nobody.

Maybe my friend is right when he said i listen to too much metal songs.. but damn, i can blame no one but myself for having such a distorted perception about life.

I seriously hate myself for thinkin so much, it is like my brain has endless capacity but instead of putting knowledge into it, i keep filling it with bullshit..

Like, why can she have that and not me?

Like, what if he cheat on me?

Like, this girl isnt pretty at all! What has she gotta do with him!

Like, in what ways im not better than them? I dont care, i must be the best!

Like, am i good enough? why can i be better?

Like, i hate being normal, i want to be extraordinary.

Like, why cant i have the things i want? I want it and i dont care, i just want it now!

I am such a motherfuckin princess. haha.

I need to stop playing the "I think what you will think that i think" games..

Its tiring but im so obsessed.

"Hate those times when the mirror's not my friend

When everything I see in it offends

Talking back at me I swear it says

All the things I think they're thinking about me

On rainy days when there's absolutely nothing to do

But stay inside, bite my nails and chew

On all the things I'd rather not think about thinking

All the things I think they're thinking." - Natasha B.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Picture time!!!
I got sooo many pictures to upload.

Holiday's tiring, because ive to work- @ Isetan tampanies. Do feel free to visit me at the wagon outside.

It makes time with boyfriend and friends extra special to me.

Ok nuff' said.. Here are the pictures..!

Camwhoring with Dao Qing and Siew Mai!!!