Just came back after 2 cans of beer, it is enough to get me thinking. Thou i am tired but i just want to write just to get things off my mind.


I know that in life, i have to know these 2 rules.

(1) Not everybody in this world is gonna accept you. That's okay.

(2) Not everybody in this world is gonna like you. And that's okay too.



But i am feeling kinda hurt and insulted. I might be being a little over-sensitive here, but i cant help thinking. I aint stupid. I trust my instincts.



Is it wrong to be a little different? It is kinda ironic, that the teenager in us wants to be a non-conformist, yet yearns to be accepted by people. I aint desperate, i just think that i am the way i am, if i didnt mess with you, then you dont have the right to do so with me.


I just wonder how long can this lifestyle of mine last... It is not about my parents, its just that i dont really like how my weekends are spent getting drunk and wasted and on top of that, hearing those shit that i dun expect to hear..


I thought that if i really love him i should adapt to his lifestyle, adapt to his culture, be his "accessory".


But i guess i cant escape that "angsty" Yuting inside of me.



I know it sounds wrong. But i do miss those weekends when time was spent on doing things i love.. grocery shopping, pet food hunting, cleaning the hamster's cage, cakes and coffee at dempsey road, lazing around at Swissotel.. thats the lifestyle that i used to have.



Nirvana, Slash, Weird Al Yankovic, Hinder, the Sims 2.... why do things have to turn out so FUCKED UP?



But having this lifestyle that i love will cause me my happiness, because i was happy but at the same time i broke down time and time again.. it is like someone just give you a beautiful glass sculpture but smash it into pieces right in front of your face.



Am i destined to be with jerks? Every weekend, right beside me is the perfect man that i would like to spend the rest of my life with.. but why do we have to be so different? It is wearing me out.. I dont want to change him and i dont want to change myself, i dont want to make things difficult for him.


God, why do relationships have to be so difficult? Why is it so hard to please my fucked up emotions? I dont know, maybe this is what some people called it materialistic. Maybe i am. I cant change my indulgence. I love what i love.




If the path that we are on is gonna be a bumpy road, im willing to walk with you, as long as we get to the other side..





Whatever la. Fuck it. As if anybody will understand me.


I need Chia like so badly. The person that i always take for granted. Only she sees the cool and uncool side of me, only she understands how complicating my brain works.



I just hate the complicating side of me.