Im fuckin pissed. With my fuckin life.


I hate to stay at home. Other people will never understand why. They think i am being childish and all that shit. But it is safer outside than to stay at home. Those hurling insults are too much for me to bear. Its killing my fuckin brain. I feel so much restrictions like a bird trapped in a cage.


Its seriously fuckin ridiculous. The computer is fucking set with a password. Everytime i need to log on, i have to ask for her permission, which is like asking her for money (except for the fact that it is ten times worse if i were to really do that).


And once i have successfully log on into my computer, i can only use for 1 hour.

Yes ONE HOUR which is 60 minutes.


ONE FUCKING HOUR to charge my ipod, dl my songs, friendstering, msn for awhile and quickly blog. Like what the fuck is this?


I AM FUCKING 20.


And another reason why i hate to stay at home, because i dont want to be affected in any ways by her selfishness. She bears grudges (yes, ESPECIALLY with her own family). Money to her is like a big big thing. She is calculative EVEN TO HER OWN FAMILY, even if it is 10 cents or 20 cents. How fuckin ridiculous is that?


And if you pissed her off, haha GOOD LUCK TO YOU! That means 1 MONTH of washing your own clothes, your own dishes, basically everything. Oh and did i mention, NO COMPUTER FOR U! HAHAHAHA!



I feel so much resentments. I just want to go home to a warm and happy family. Which is not the case. Her narrow-mindedness ruins this whole family.



Well, you can say that i am like her. That is what i am ashamed of. Being a product of a selfish bitch. Ive got so much teenage angst in me. Why? Because ive been treated like a fucking kid. 20 years old and still feeling fuckin trapped.



Im getting used to this kinda shitty lifestyle. I get shit at work, which i dont mind cuz that is what i am getting paid for, men are all with fucking agendas, i despise them all, i wish they will all just FUCK OFF, and those jerks who think that i cant live wout them, no, its not true at all. I AM ONLY USING YOU just like YOU ARE USING ME. ITS YOUR OWN FUCKING LOSS ANYWAY. I never really love you, who in their sane mind will? Damn motherfucker who cant even get an erection. NBCB. Go and try fucking with your oh so perfect fat chick. You deserve each other.



And that MOTHERFUCKING SAM, stop bugging me. You pathetic son of a bitch. Get a fucking life. And oh, i will never wear Sarah's old shoes, why? No, not because she is "friend" but yikes! Think about it! I am too fly for this shit, i cant even be bothered to explain why. Haha. Such poor taste in boyfriends, TSK TSK. BUT SUITS HER ANYWAY.



The only thing i can put my hopes into are friends.. but they have got their own lives.

I am so sick of my fucking life.
Failure is not an option. Success is the best revenge.





I did my time, and I want out
So effusive
Fade
It doesn't cut,
The soul is not so vibrant


The reckoning, the sickening
Packaging subversion
Pseudo-sacrosanct perversion


Go drill your deserts,
Go dig your graves
Then fill your mouth
With all the money you will save
Sinking in, getting smaller again
Im done, it has begun
I'm not the only one



Oh, there are cracks, in the road we laid
But where the temple fell,
The secrets have gone mad
This is nothing new,
But when we kill it all,
The hate was all we had!


Who needs another mess?
We could start over!
Just look me in the eyes
And say I'm wrong
Now there's only emptiness...
Venomous, insipid!
I think we're done
I'm not the only one!


And the rain will kill us all,
We throw ourselves against the wall
But no one else can see,
The preservation of the martyr in me