Sometimes when i read his blog i dont know whether i should laugh or cry. I know it is very stupid of me to read it and stir up my own emotions for nothing, but i dont know why i did it. Somehow i still care for that person.. i mean, you dont need to have a status like "best friends" or "boyfriend" to feel that somebody is special, though i do not know what about him is so special to me that i can hate him so much but it equally pains me to think about those memories.



He always thinks that he is the victim because i have moved on. It was all my fault and he didnt hurt me ever, like he hadnt told me lies before, he has never cheated, he has never used violence against me before?!



I dont want to think about whose fault is it.. both of us equally played a part in the breakup, it didnt last and we quarrel all the time, doesnt that prove that it is just not meant to be? It is called a breakup cos' it is broken. No use thinking bout it, pointing fingers, backstabbing each other, blogging something bad about each other like there's no tommorrow.



Watched "The Bucket List" yesterday. It was really good and worth the ticket price, and i highly recommend it!






It is about 2 man who led different lives- One is a black man who is a mechanic, but is very knowledgable, married the only woman he loved and have a big and warm family. The other was a white man who is married to his career, extremely rich, obnoxious, have been thru 4 failed marriages but knows how to enjoy the finer things in life (sounds like someone i used to know).


The two of them happened to be at the same ward and they both know that they were going to die. So they decided to come up with the Bucket List to list down the things they wanted to do before they kicked the bucket. The Black man wrote things like "See something majestic" and the White man wrote superficial things like "Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world."


Together, the 2 of them went sky diving, race each other in fast cars, see the pyramids, visit Taj Mahal.. and it is only after they travelled around the world that they realised that there is no other place better than being in their own homes.


The Black man died shortly after with his loving wife and family surronding him, leaving the other all alone to fulfil the rest of on the Bucket list. He finally summed up the courage to reconcile with his daughter. That's when he met his granddaughter, kissed her on the cheeks, and striked off "Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world". That was the scene when i couldnt take it anymore and tears kept rolling down my cheeks.



I can still recall the time he showed me his wallpaper and said he is a fallen angel.. it actually left a very deep impression on me and i was really determined to change him, to make his life better, to show him that there is more to life than material things, to undo all the shitness he has faced in his life, to take away the shadow of his past.. that's the reason why i didnt walk away even when i found out some things about him.


But i over-estimated myself. Who am i to change him? I dont expect anything in return, but i did not expect myself to get hurt so badly. Guess it was all wishful thinking, i'll leave it to somebody else to be the saint of his life. Or maybe he will never change? It is disappointing to think about the efforts going to waste. I see so much potential in him.



Guess it really didnt matter. I am selfish. I am sorry.

Got this video from Fann's blog. Pretty much sums up how i feel. Everything in the video just looks so familiar to me.



We are all fools.