Yea.. every roses has its thorn. Guys do think with their dicks sometimes, and i couldnt argue with that. But a disciplined guy will know that there's a line he shouldnt cross, and he wouldnt cross it, why? Not because he is foolish, simply because the love for his girlfriend is too deep, too deep enough to make a stupid move.


Think about it, if you are in the top of your career, will you do something to ruin it? Of cos not.


Well, maybe his love for me is not deep enough. I really thought i could change him, but i guess it was all wishful thinking.



Who wouldnt be tempted? Throughout these 8 months, are there no suitors?!?



Yes, they are. Some of them i wouldnt even be bothered to tell you. I am not like other girls, once somebody liked her she think its a big deal and spread it to the whole world. I am not like that.



Why do i feel that i am not good looking enough? Because if i am, you wouldnt be thinking about such things. Well, ive come to realise that a leopard will never change its spots. I didnt mind about anything you've done or you having a skin problem, think about it, how many girls are willing to accept that?


Well, those that are "in for the money", as you said. But no, not me. I am not trying to act like a saint, but that night at Coffee Bean after the shopping spree, you told me about what kinda person you are, and i told myself, i think this guy must really like me, if not, he wouldnt trust me enough to tell me what he did.. I will do anything to help him get over his past and be a better person..



...but i was naive.



And i still remember what you told me when i got fucked by my parents cuz of a warning letter.


You told me a quote from Bruce Lee: Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.



Yes, you let the water flow and crash in this relationship. It was all good and i was crazy about you. I was pessimistic because everytime when i thought that i am the luckiest girlfriend in the world, i stumbled upon the fact that you are always you.. You are still the guy that would poke as many holes as you can.. the guy who entertained the idea of getting other people's girlfriends.


I am never against people with liberal thinking, but there is something called 'moral values'. There are some things that i will never do to others because i wont feel good myself.


I feel so betrayed. True, i am not perfect. I have an attitude problem and i admit it. But that doesnt give you any reason to cheat. You could have just broke up with me, but you didnt!!! Why? Cuz you want to have the best of both worlds, which is impossible. That day you sent the suggestive message to the air stewardess was the day just before i skipped SG mint, woke up early, went to your house, kissed you on the cheeks just to see you wake up in ur cute white old man shirt you always wear to sleep.


I missed your everything, the smell of your hair, my fingers running through the rough texture of your skin.. the way you do the dance because i told you to, how we always pinch each other when we see turbanators... tell me, arent those things worth more than just a day of "coffee" with the other girls?


But no, you dont see it. You keep saying, "yea every man slipped."
Right now, you dont even want to take the blame, always shirking responsibilities...



I had tasted La Bracharia, ive been on a 1K shopping spree, ive sat on a chauffeured ride, ive sipped on Mohjitos, i savoured on Bruschetta, ive learnt how to dress myself better, ive learnt gallardos, murcielargos and reventon..


And everything comes with a price to pay, and i paid a hefty sum. The material world is all good, but i would rather not have it if it means getting my heart broken. I guess i am still a down to earth girl inside, it doesnt take too long for me to realise.



Hammy is the most wonderful thing that ever happened throughout the 8 months, but i cant have her. It is because i have asthma, and my parents said that they would sell her away if i ever bring her back again. I guess they think that the water bills are too expensive and having another pet is like a burden to them. And i know that my parents are capable of doing that, and i dont want it to happen. Please dont use Hammy to threaten me, i really love her and i am not shirking responsiblity. I will go to your house just to hold her and tell her i love her but it is not now.


I believe that you need some time to yourself too, and i dont want to stir up mixed or bad feelings again, and this time, you know that it is really impossible for us to be back together again.. because my hopes for you have died.


I wish you well in finding a girl who is confident and open enough to let you have flings... unfortunately, i'll never be that girl no matter how hard i try.


Take care.








You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do


You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending



I dislike her.. but today she sang my heart out. Every sentence...