Sometimes you give;
Sometimes they take.

Sometimes you bend;
And sometimes they break you down.

Sometimes you stick around;
Trying to change them, make them, someone that they'll never be.




And sometimes you leave.

ROC BOYS

YOU CALL THIS ATTITUDE?!?







Let me show you what's REAL ATTITUDE.
Ladies and gentleman, i present to you..




Roc Boys. I'd never see Jay Z as a sexy black man, i think he's kinda cute cuz he's kinda chubby. But he sure looks good in that suit. And not mention Sean Combs.


I wonder when is the "Unforgivable" scent for women coming out in SG.
It should be called, "RESPECTABLE" cuz he never have respect for any woman, just like MANY guys out there. He really should do smth good once.




The roc boys in the building tonight
oh what a feeling I'm feeling life
you dont even gotta bring your paper out
we the dope boys of the year drinks is on the house !!!

God knows what

HELP!

I had some allergic reaction to god-knows-what. Its behind my legs and its so freaking hideous!
And i expected the doctor to give me smth to make those ugly bumps go away.. but all she gave me was some itch-reliever. That's all?!?

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously have to stop kicking up such a fuss... but its HIDEOUS!!! gawd~!!!!


Ok. Fuss about smth else. Initially the Shan-an's 3 months suggestion was changed to a month. I suggested it cuz i dont see why we should waste so much time.

And then just the start, a day after we both agreed, he called me.

Now am i supposed to be touched because it seems like he couldnt live wout me? Or am i suppose to wise up and see the bigger picture that he is seriously not that disciplined?


I am having mixed feelings, really. Sometimes i wonder why i should let a guy screw up my emotions like that. Sometimes i really need him and i missed those great times. But sometimes when i think about how he betrayed me, i can never forgive him. I know that if he has everything, he will definitely take it for granted. He is rash, impulsive and ill-disciplined. He is just like those hollywood celebrities that just refuses to go to rehab.


I am still angry with him. I still think he is a jerk.


But i cant seem to refuse his endless phone calls and his endless "Can i see you tmr"dates. The fact that i dont want to stay home just make his offer so enticing.


Everything is just a lie.



To my friends, if you read this, call me, sms me, meet me and just give me a slap on the face. Let me see the reality, if not i might continue to do stupid things. Its really degrading and if i carry on like this i am going to get hurt again.



To Him: Please stop it. I am not your girlfriend anymore. It is really not that hard to find some other girl to cheat on. Please dont do this to me anymore..if you really need a fren to talk to, i really dont mind talking to you on the phone. But dont say," I love you" just to lie and cheat on me again. PLEASE DO SOMETHING GOOD. For once.

It strucked me.

I sincerely pray that the next one would be better. I really do.

Life has only just begun!

Went out with Jo for some self-grooming (which fucking hurts like hell) and did a little shopping. Oh, and we had Gelare waffles and an ice-cream cake!

I went to Gramaphone and HMV to ask for job vacancy. I can imagine myself working there.. i really hope that they can accept me.. i dont mind spending my weekends in a music store. =)



This is the good thing about being single, no liabilities, just do what i feel like doing. And i can actually learn to appreciate the things that i took for granted.. simple things like the refreshing feeling when i just got out of the shower.. simple things like reading a magazine while snacking on fruits..

Although there are down sides like feeling negative whenever strangers in your house just want to say or do things to annoy you.. but its ok, i am pretty independent.
Sometimes these emotional baggages are too much to bear, it sucks not to have a boyfriend to lean on like i always used to do.




At this point of time, i wonder what he is doing now. Probably later he will try to date girls out in his class, since he is also free of liabilities like me.
If it makes him happy, then good for him. I dont indulge in the thrill of the chase. It would be nice and flattering if someone is chasing me but it is just that. I am not desperate. I have my self worth, you know?




Probably one of these days i am going to start writing articles for the newspaper. I need a good portfolio next time if i want to do mass comms. My aim is to get at least one of my articles published. At the same time, have been contemplating about being an air stewardess.


It doesnt suit my character, but somehow it does.



Contradicting, right?




Let me explain.

Being in the media requires me to be very vocal, but im naturally pretty soft spoken. As in, my "skin" is as thin as tissue paper.


I am emotional, which is a plus point for being creative but a bad point as i might get disheartened easily. I still remember the time when i waited for my articles to be published, i was so full of anxiety, and if its not published i will be quite devastated.
And if its published, i read my article and i will be like thinkin, " Why the fuck did i write a crap like that?"


Sucha freak, lol.


Being an air stewardess, probably i will live a pretty good life. All i need to do is to be humble and serve the snobbish fat people and noisy kids on the plane. My dad wanted me to be. I can get to travel around the world since i haven travelled on a plane before. I can stay away from home. I can learn self grooming tips and get myself to be better looking, and when i meet shallow people outside in clubs or whatever, they will be like, " WHOA, AIR STEWARDESS!"

And probably some desperate fuckface will try to get me so that they can tell others, " HEY I SLEPT WITH AN AIR STEWARDESS!!!"



I'll probably get to enjoy my life for the next 10 years, if the economy is still good. And after that i hope that i can find a rich husband by 29. Hm. But i wonder by then if i really know the true meaning of life. Does it matter anyway?




I am still contemplating.